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What do you think of when you think of when you think of a single woman? Probably one of the two stereotypes, cut to a scene of: Example A – the woman at home with her cats, usually in her pajamas eating ice cream on a Saturday night or Example B – the all night party girl, at a loud dance club decked out in skanky clothes trying to find the man of the evening to go home with
Maybe it is the fact that my 30th birthday is this year or maybe it is a loss of another friend but I felt the need to speak up. I miss having lots of friends, especially male friends.
 Don’t get me wrong, I love the women in my life but there is something about hanging out with the boys that is so comfortable for me. Maybe it’s because as a child most of my playmates were boys. Maybe it’s being raised by a mother that didn’t believe in defined gender roles, never saying what we could or couldn’t do because we were a boy or a girl. My first doll was a He-Man, long before I played with Barbie. And when I finally did play with Barbie it was my mother’s 50’s style Barbie, not the big boob blond that we know today. I love that the lines were never drawn out with a big fat permanent marker, but were perfectly blurred like water colors allowing us to move about to either side.
I was talking to my mother after I was told by another male friend that we couldn’t hang out because of his new girlfriend. I can’t begin to tell you how many male friends that I have lost to this issue. My mother pointed out that maybe if I was in a relationship, it would be different, but since I am a single girl I could be perceived as threatening. So with that, I would like to put the following out there.
• I don’t believe in cheating, I never have and never will
• I won’t make you a cheater, I don’t like drama in my life
• If I develop feelings for you, I will walk away as crossing that line isn’t appropriate
• If you develop feelings for me while in a relationship, you give me no choice but to shut the door on our friendship
• The last two won’t ever happen because the friendship is defined from the beginning through open communication. To all the girlfriends out there, if I wanted him or he wanted me, then you wouldn’t be in the picture in the first place. We probably experienced enough of each others idiosyncrasies that we knew that we couldn’t make it on a full time basis – by all means ladies, he is all yours!
Maybe one day we could all feel secure and trust each other enough to allow our partners to be friends with the opposite sex or comfortable to be friends with the opposite sex and not thinking there is an alternative motive hiding underneath the surface. I am different, I know my place and I wish that my friends had enough balls to stand their ground [pun intended] and say I am their friend. But that hasn’t been the case; the new girl always wins which saddens me to find out our friendship wasn’t a strong as I thought it was.
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On a similar note of friendship, for years I have used the quote “You laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same” but as much as I enjoy my independence, it still leaves me with the feeling of wanting to fit in. The last few weeks while looking for blog design ideas I also have been searching for bloggers to follow that I can identify with. There are the “I am a single woman, hear me roar” blogs that I found enjoyable, but then it started to drift towards the extreme level of “I am single and there is nothing wrong with me staying that way my entire life”. So I went off into the internet world to find others but all I could find were 20-something year olds [verbatim from their about me section] with the following three elements: recently married or soon to be, who loved fashion and/or beauty products and has the token tiny dog or new born baby. Don’t get me wrong, I like those things too but I am basically the complete opposite from these beautiful ladies. In fact, 14 years ago I thought I would have had their life but instead I have been guided down a different path filled with many life changing lessons.
Since I started blogging the one thing that I noticed from the beginning is I don’t have one defined genre, I am just kind of in the middle. I am not a fitness guru, a fashion critic, or a dating or sex goddess. I am just me. The way I am usually defined by others is caring. I care deeply about those in my life, so much so that I am willing to stop what I am doing at the drop of a hat to help them out or make them happy. I consider it both a blessing and a curse but it is me. Maybe someday I can find a blogging community that does the same?
I won’t blog about my marriage, as I don’t have one. I won’t blog about fashion as my closet consists of mostly cotton clothes. I won’t blog about cooking because it is never exciting cooking for one. I won’t blog about the cute thing that my pet did because my two cats are just that – cats, nowhere near a substitute for a child. And I won’t blog about being single, as it doesn’t define me. Blogging is a form of therapy for me, a way of reaching out to the world asking for a little acceptance, not because I conformed to the model that society has made but because I stand out amongst the herd. Once day I might become one of you: one of the married, the fitness freak, mother with mishaps, the cooking guru, or even a crafty Cathy. I am a woman in the middle. One day I might become one of you but until I can be called a wife or a mother, don’t define me as another single woman. Instead – I hope that you can call me a friend.
Dating… Up until recently the word dating to me was about the equivalent of nails on a chalk board. Each time I thought of braving the dating world it made me cringe. I just didn’t want to do it [insert a visual of a grown adult throwing a childish temper tantrum].
I have never dated what I thought to be the “normal” way. Where two people meet, the male asks the girl out and after going out a few times they migrate to the relationship zone. In the past, I have dated men that I was friends with first (and usually worked with) for a minimum of a month or two before one random event tipped the scales from friends to a relationship. Only once in my life do the norm dating. He was a complete stranger that I met at a public Halloween party downtown but after one date and an attempt at another, it ended. You see, I could never start a relationship with a man that giggled like a 14 year old prepubescent girl. It drove me bonkers!
It wasn’t until I was talking with Luisa two weeks ago (OK- more like whining) about whether I should start to date or not that I realized why I was shying away from dating. It wasn’t that my past wasn’t filled with normal dating experiences; it was because I was scared of being rejected. And who doesn’t? But I decided to make a change this year. In fact, I have already got the ball rolling and changing my mindset which has also spread to other areas of my life.
If you remember during my 30 blog challenge I had a few simple, yet difficult for me habits that I was hoping to incorporate into the New Year. I have already gone almost two months with keeping a clutter free and clean apartment, bought a new working out video and this week, made most of my own meals (not even TV dinners for lunch). I made small changes like using my best sheets (350 thread count Egyptian cotton sateen purrrr) and added a pillow to the other side of the bed, which makes I have to admit makes the bed look a little less lonely. I even went so far as to wax my legs for the first time in about 10 years! While I made a sticky mess everywhere and despite the “emergency” call to mom (possible only through the use of an elbow and non-sticky knuckle) I am still proud of myself at how great my legs look! No need to shave now!
The one area that is still a work in progress is my she-woman man-hater attitude. I have gotten better at learning to accept drinks from men or letting them pick up the tab. This one is REALLY hard for me but I trying to balance my individual-I don’t need a man to buy my anything side with my feminine side that isn’t as dominate. It’s difficult to let go of the feeling of obligation to “repay” the thank you, even though men say they want nothing in return. I can say from experience that many men have expected something in return, even had a guy get upset with me for giving him a hug instead of a make out session as he walked me to my car. While I don’t have dating rules, you most likely won’t find me making out with strangers in a parking lot after only knowing them for two hours.
If you have been sitting on the side lines like myself and have been thinking of jumping back into the game, I found these few articles online that aren’t filled with hokey fluff or rainbows and unicorns but down-to-earth sensible information. My favorite is the first one!
*How to Have It All: 5 Steps to Finally Find Love This Year
*5 Ways To Attract Love In 30 Days
*8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
Next step for me – finishing my online profile for Match.com. I have had one before but I never really set it up and cancelled it shortly afterwards…twice. Who knows what kind of funny stories this roller coaster of a ride will create.
“Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game”
This was originally posted last year but with my hiatus and New Years right around the corner, I thought a re-post (with some small changes) was appropriate
Yeah, that is right, you heard me. When did New Year’s Eve go from just some friends getting together at a house to welcome and ring in the new year, to us spending $100 – $300 for tickets to some hotel “party” or downtown disco tech, only to stand in line at the bar for 30 minutes at a time and attempting to find someone you know in a sea of drunken idiot? It could be a week away and we feel compelled to “have plans” for this holiday. Heaven forbid that you should be home alone or in bed asleep, no you must be out in public!
While attempting to come up with plans (so I could be one of those silly people among the masses) for the evening, I stumbled upon rituals and traditions people participate in during the new year. It seems that most countries have the similar celebration of firecrackers and noise makers, but when compared to the rest of the world, the United States looks kind of foolish. There are a few non U.S. websites that try to explain how we celebrate and I couldn’t help but laugh because the we sound like big dopes, all gathered round watching some big electric ball drop, while other countries have long standing customs and traditions usually involving family. And then there are the superstitions! Superstitions for this holiday go from anything to eating black eye peas, to opening the window to “let the old air out”, to kissing at midnight. We are the only country to have the midnight kiss. Where do we come up with these things? When did old wives tales turn from one moment in time into something that we must compare ourselves to each and every year, and if we can’t reach those standards, are met with 365 days of doom?
I sure hope not! Being a single woman on New Year’s isn’t as depressing as the movies make it out to be. When most people think of a single woman ringing in the New Year by herself, we cut to a clip of Bridget Jones Diary, with Renée Zellweger belting out “All by Myself” sloshed on cheap champagne but it can be different. Don’t get me wrong, that may have been how I have felt on the inside in past years but just because we single people lack a significant other, doesn’t mean we are alone.
I believe that I have only had one midnight kiss in my life, maybe back in 2002? Every non lip locking year since then has not been cursed because just like wine, each year keeps getting better and better! If you happen to be alone and a little bit down, just remember, it is just one night. Tomorrow is a new day. Don’t stress about making it a “perfect evening” and “this New Years Eve is going to be the best” because you are only setting yourself up to be let down. Whether you decide to spend this holiday home in bed before 10pm, having a family game night or hitting the dance floor shaking your groove thing, enjoy yourself and celebrate the way YOU want to! Be safe! (No drinking and driving!)
 
Between studying for finals and finishing classes, trying to find a new cutesie blog name and then the holidays getting closer and closer my past five weeks could be compared to that of a nut house. I have spent the last few evenings crafting up holiday gifts for friends and family due to my budget getting dramatically reduced. While I have mastered the glue gun I haven’t been able to add more hours to the day, so while I am up to my elbows in glitter and ribbon, the blog will be placed on hold for the next week.
FROM MY HOUSE TO YOURS, WISHING EVERYONE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON FILLED WITH LOVE, JOY AND LAUGHTER!
SEE YOU IN THE NEW YEAR!
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Favorite Date Ideas
Apparently lists seem to be the rage this week!
Below are some ideas that I find or think would be fun and would like to do for a date
• Bowling
o How can you not have fun?
• Going for a hike
o Good time to get some exercise and time to talk with beautiful scenery
• Spelunking
o Well, because I have been wanting to go for awhile
• Cooking class
o Two people learning something together at the same time
• Museum of Nature and Science Thursday night adult events
o Because I have been always wanting to go, but no one to go with
• Beer/ whiskey tasting
o What man can argue?
• Sporting event
o Again, what man could argue?
• Art gallery
o Doesn’t need to be a fancy museum, could be a small gallery open on First Friday
• Denver Botanic Gardens
o A pretty stroll with time for talking and getting to know one another
• Ice skating
o At some point someone it going to have to rely on someone else
• Colorado exploration
o Even if you’ve lived here for years, there is always something new to try out, why not do something together?
Those are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head. One thing you won’t ever find on my list is dinner and movie, because frankly I am not sure how you get to know someone while being silent in a dark room for 3 hours. Hummm…that sounds kind of dirty. I’ll re-phrase – you can’t get to know them on a personal level. Haha
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Hope, Dreams and Plans you would like to accomplish in the next year
Maybe because we are about to start a new year and this post coincides with my 30th birthday or maybe its because of recent events, but this hits a hard. In order to keep it a little lighter I thought a list would be best.
• To get my GPA back up closer to a 4.0 for spring semester so I can transfer schools
• Start meeting with professionals to get into the business world
• To visit my cousin 2-4 times in Illinois before and after her baby is born
• To go on a few dates or start a relationship
• Remove the screw out of my left foot, it has been 4 years since my last surgery
• Find a therapist that I like and can grow with
• Throw a party at my apartment (Luisa is going to hold me to this one!)
• Finally lose the last 15 pounds or learn to accept my body shape
• Live by my new budget to be able to afford my new car and pay off my credit card debit
• Find a new hobby that keeps up the creative side in me (I really enjoyed it this weekend)
• Keep my apartment clutter free so anyone can stop by without me being embarrassed
• Attend and contribute to at least 2 charity events
• Read a book besides the ones that are required for school
• Start cooking dinner from scratch at least 4 times a week
• Find a way to celebrate my 30th birthday with all of my closest friends
• Accomplish two more things on my Colorado/Life list
• Try to find a better balance between work, life and playtime
• To keep on my journey of self development
• Which in turn will continue to bring me happiness!
The list seems so short for a full year but knowing me I am sure it will triple in size by the time New Year’s comes around. Overall I think this is a good ground to start on with the ending of 2011 and 2012 about to begin. Cheers to an upcoming New Year – but let us celebrate Christmas first! Whether its more time with family, finally being able to decorate my apartment for the holiday or my newest exploration of my faith, I am excited for the upcoming month!
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An Old Photo
I tried to find an old photo of me with my parents or little brother, but I only have a few scanned into my computer. I thought this photographic would be appropriate considering recent events. This is my cousin Renae and I as kids in our “famous photo”. She is only 3 months older than me and the closest thing I have to a sister. While she is blessed with an older sister, I was not so she became mine. Even though we grew up states away from each other, whenever we were together we were inseparable. We even thought we were twins – only because we would wear matching outfits or underwear (thanks to the regular shopping trips to the Jockey outlet by our mother’s.)
To be honest after writing this, I wish I had another photo to post, the one with both my girl cousins. If I find it at my parent’s house later I will post it, because it shows our childhood perfectly. Michelle “trying” to sleep on the bed, and Renae and I giggling while running around her (it was a queen water bed, you couldn’t jump). Until I find this one, you can laugh at the one below. We even thought about re-creating this for our 18th birthday years ago but the thought of opening a can of Beefaroni and smearing it on our face was a little much for us. I love my cousins and thankful for having them in my life!
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Due to the Thanksgiving Holiday and other scheduling conflicts, days 23-25 will not be posted.
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My Dream Wedding
This part of the challenge is a little weird for me to write. For those of you following along my journey, you would know that I actually planned my wedding once before and in fact, did a really great job of doing so. So much so that I really stopped the bride part and went onto the coordinator part which was my first realization that it wasn’t the right road for me to go down. On a side note, I apologize but after writing this I found myself flip flopping between tenses, mainly because some items I will have at my weddings and others are wishes.
If I could have a DREAM wedding, I sure as heck hope I am marrying a wealthy man in order to afford it! You see, I worked in the event industry, mostly on the catering side but also in the planning world. When I worked at the catering company, I observed many high end events from birthdays and weddings to large scale galas. These are not your average event. These were soirees that took multiple vendors to come together, besides the normal planner. You would have companies for each different aspect, from catering, to lighting, to tables and chairs.
The best way to describe my dream wedding, (and I am not just saying this because of all the hype surrounding it) but it would be similar to Kim Kardashian’s wedding. I am sure many of you are cringing now. She used the same color scheme that I was planning back in 2007, black and white with silver accents. Despite how much money my dream wedding would cost, I couldn’t be so over dramatic, especially like the over the top ceremony she had. Her décor was far too much for me, the ceremony would have to be more intimate. I would do something outdoors or nature themed with tree branches and candles. My bouquet – lily of the valley, with lots of green leaves to offset the small fragrant white flowers. Bridal party in all black or a mix of black and white with touches of silver, the ladies wearing dresses that are not only elegant and but fun and flirty.
As for the reception, it will have large dining tables of both rounds and squares, so that everyone can see and talk with each other. The room will be dimly lit with accent lighting, the tables adorned with silver tree branches with tea lights hanging from the ends. Think “glamorous-casual-fun”. There would be separate areas for eating, drinking and dancing. The dance floor would be lined in cocktail table for those that are too timid to dance just yet. A lounge area will be off to the side for when the dinning is done so guests can chat while sitting comfortably on modern style couches.
I could go on and on with all the small intricate details but why get myself worked up when I know that I won’t be having that type of wedding due to my financials. Another reason being I could also go in the other direction and would like a small intimate wedding with me in nothing but a white sundress with my bare feet in direct contact with the earth. Besides, it is really just one day. One day out of an entire lifetime of a new world called marriage. What matters most is the WHO you begin that journey with, not the event that got it started. And for me right now, that part is the real dream that just might come true some day.
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Share a few hobbies
I was debating whether to lie and go with what I would like my hobbies to be if I had the money and time versus what my actual hobbies are. I wish I could say that I spend the weekends painting or going to dance classes but the reality is I have very few hobbies.
I guess my hobby is food and drink. I always want to know what is going on in the restaurant world. What new place is opening up or what big chef is taking over an old location to re-vamp it. I enjoy trying new places and not a fan of chain restaurants for a special night out. While I am not a sommelier, I know what I like and enjoy trying a new wine blend or a seasonal cocktail with multidimensional ingredients. I don’t mind dining alone but company is always better, well let me rephrase that, invited company is always better. (Not all strangers that turn into company are well received.) I indulge by ordering multiple items off the menu as well as altering them from what the chef originally planned. I do have to admit there are times when I am not pleasant to be around as I tend to have a strong opinion about the way things are or should be, like the atmosphere of the restaurant or what the wait staff could be doing differently. Even during the times my expectations aren’t met, I still find pleasure in a night out.
The only other hobbies I could think of are blogging and finding solutions to people’s problems, even though most of the time they very rarely ask for me to do so, I am more than willing to give undesired suggestions. Even though I wouldn’t consider it a hobby, I do try and get out once a week to participate in Denver events that occur once a year like an art festival or other activities including getting out and exploring beautiful Colorado. I am a firm believer in being able to learn something new every day and was blessed to have the ability to grow up in a family that believed the same thing. My mother would take us to the theatre and art shows, camping and hiking as well as learning multiple musical instruments to name a few. She was always pushing us to take advantage of every opportunity that was presented in order to have a new experience, including trying new foods.
I hope someday I am able to make enough money or put aside some time to start the hobbies on my wish list. Until then I will stick with the few I got because I at least have other things like work work and work, oh and school, to fill my time.
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