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If only...
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Between Merida and Cancun, Mexico
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Salmon BLT Sliders with Chipotle Mayo by howsweeteats #Salmon #Bacon #Chipotle #Sliders #howsweeteats
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Lamb Sliders with Tzatziki by fotocuisine #Lamb #Sliders #fotocuisine
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Fun and yummy
Witches, Pumpkins and Ghosts. Oh My!
It has come that time again… a night when ghouls and goblins roam the night. The first holiday that starts the string of big ones and the next thing you know its March! What a wonderful night for children, exploring all the things that you want to be! Whether you wanted to be an astronaut or a coyboy or someone famous at that time, it was a chance pretend to be that for one full day/night. I remember as a child going to school that day, always excited for the Halloween parade to see what else everyone as going to be! A time when the holiday was innocent and fun; yet as an adult I am not a fan… Ugh… nights fill with crazy drunks in disguise running around downtown causing mayhem. The one night that women believe they can get away with dressing as skanky as possible. Just because the holiday grants you to be anything you want, doesn’t mean you should go gallivanting around town in an outfit that you would be embarrassed to be caught in by your mother! Seriously ladies, why can’t you show yourself a little respect? I’m not going to lie, in high school I wore some smaller costumes but nothing like what 21+ are donning now a day.
It’s funny, I was out with my friend Michael and we started talking about past dates that we went out on and it got me thinking about past Halloweens. I remember one about 3 or 4 years ago where I actually gave my number out to a male that I met on Halloween night. My girlfriends and I ended up at a singles event, one that I didn’t really want to attend but I figured I would play wing-woman to my girls yet I was the only one that was asked for a phone number. I will tell you it was probably because I was one of the few ladies there who were fully dressed. A man isn’t going to take you seriously when your butt cheeks are hanging out of your skirt, but he will think you are available “for a good time” that night. It upsets me to see women do this to themselves which is another reason I can’t stand being out on this holiday. In fact, I think one of my favorite Halloween nights was 2008 in Illinois. I had the house to myself and spent the night in, handing out Halloween candy to all the little trick-or-treaters. Watching the thrill on the childrens faces as they explained what they were in their homemade costumes was so much better than watching drunks make fools of themselves, stumbling down the street and making out with strangers in the corner of the bar.
Here’s the thing, I am not saying that you need to dress up as a nun to be covered from head to toe, but maybe think about your outfit before you go out. Would you be embarrassed to see people from work in that outfit? I am sure a more creative costume will get you more attention than dressing as a “sexy” whatever. Let your confidence shine through instead of your insecurity like every other girl and you’ll be destined to stand out.
I will be spending this holiday at work tonight, just like I did last year however I plan on going home and going to bed instead of going out for “fun” and the only sober one amongst masses. No matter what you decided to do or wear this evening, whether it is bar hoping or house parties, corn mazes and haunted houses or just staying at home to hand out candy and watch scary movies, I do want to wish everyone a danger free and spook-tacular Halloween! May the candy calories not stick to your thighs, your costume come out the way that you wanted, and you go to bed smiling from the fun you had, safe and sound, ready for work day ahead.
A Man’s Relationship with PDA
What?! I am stunned, flabbergasted and would still be in slight disbelief if it wasn’t for it being true. How could I have possibly gone through my entire dating life and not known that most men do not like Public Displays of Affection?
It is definitely an interesting realization. If you remember, The Man and I were having problems in the beginning of our relationship because I was SO affectionate however he was not. This was a first for me… every guy before was always touchy feely; wanting to hold hands, kisses while out to dinner and such. The stereotypical puppy dog love, what is normally pictured in cartoon with bugged out eyes and floating hearts; or the type of people that whisper about to closest person to you, “those two should get a room”, as the couple sits cozy on dim light couch at Jet Lounge, ignoring everyone and the world around them.
I have to say I was shocked to find this out. I knew The Man had his reasons behind why he was not a fan of PDA, but then I started asking male co-workers and friends how they felt and the same answer came up time and time again … they are just not a fan of it!
So if most men don’t like doing it, why do they? I have come down to three main reasons on why a man would be affectionate in public: because they want to, because the girl wants it, and because they are marking their territory.
Now, since I know more about the women side, I will address those as well. I believe that women are similar to men. They like it to “feel” loved, to show the public that they are taken – as sexist as it sounds, and because they just want to.
Ok, back to the men… I found this article on AskMen.com so maybe this is one of the reasons why men are so against it. Ha ha… According to the article they’ve “broken down some of the most common PDA attacks and their proper place in your relationship”. For right now we will disregard the fact that they refer to a woman showing her love for her man as “PDA attacks” and get to the good points that they do make.
To summarize what the article states, there are two acceptable forms of PDA: hand-holding and kissing (within limits). Space invasion and butt smacks are acceptable but tacky and not advised. Declarations of love, pet names, babying are completely unacceptable. I know I tend to take the guys point of view on some of these things, but unfortunately I will have to do it again and agree. I think for the most part it depends on the location or situation. One of the points that they talk about is space invasion. This is where the “claiming territory” comes in. After reading the paragraph, I believe that the constant touching in public with previous males was because we were younger.
Now looking at it from another angle, I think the peck kiss is like a marking of the territory or putting on a show for others to let them know that you care about the person you are with but with no real benefit to either party. One of my biggest rules has always been, if you are going to kiss me, I want you to KISS me! Kiss me like you MEAN it. What is the point of a small peck good bye; you might as well just hug or wave and say “see ya”!
Since learning of this new profound information I have adjusted to reflect it. I refuse to become more stiff and cold, but I have gotten better about being more conscious of when I start to make The Man feel uncomfortable in public. I have since calmed myself down on all “unnecessary” PDA like silly peck kisses after making fun of him or before getting up to go to the bathroom. But I refuse to give up the small gesture of touching his thigh when he makes me laugh or giving a kiss when smiling doesn’t seem to be enough.
So I guess in the end I want to give some advice to the ladies out there. Pay attention to the way that your man feels when you are out in public and getting all touchy feely. Look at their expressions, their reactions… heck, maybe even ask them how they feel about it. You might be surprised with the answer. Yes, if you are in your teens or early 20’s it might be a little different, but those of you that are beyond the infatuation stage, just might come to the same conclusion as me. No matter what the case, just keep everything in check, make sure that you and your partner feel comfortable in your own skin and are respecting each other’s own comfort zone as well.
When should we, ya know, do it?
Really? We have to ask this question? Come on ladies, it is 2010! Get with the program…geesh…
So I was sitting at the bar at Purple Martini with a friend, and happen to over hear some girls talking about how trashy a girl is for sleeping with a man on the first date but the third date is ok (because it is part of the “rules”). My first reaction is…. who the heck cares?! As long as you are happy, why should you feel the need to follow the rules or suggestions laid out by some stranger? Everyone is different and just because you (and your relationship) didn’t follow the “normal” path, doesn’t mean that you are doomed for life.
I think when it comes down to it all you need to understand is the consequences about having sex; whether you choose to have it on the first date or third year into the relationship after marriage! We all know that having sex later in the relationship is better. You have had more of a chance to create a bond with trust and honesty in the relationship between the two people. So, when did the “third date” rule come into play? Seriously! Third date! I don’t think I knew anyone that well after three times of getting together. Heck, I’ve been out on three dates and still never kissed the guy. I don’t know about you, but I can date a person for years and still continue to learn things about them.
Another factor is age and where you are in life. If you are under the age of 18 and haven’t graduated high school yet, you are less likely to hop into the sack like a 40 year old divorcee might.
Before I start, I understand there is every “exception” to the rule. That yes, sometimes things work out differently, but for the most part
The Scene: If you are bedroom bound after the first night or few interactions (4-5 dates), don’t expect to get much further than that. Why would anyone need to continually take you out to talk and “get to know you” because by doing the mattress mambo so soon, you have just said to your partner that you don’t care to get to know them. No respect for either one of you, that it is just lust at first sight and “get’n some”
Consequences to Expect: Nothing really pretty. STD/STI, lack of orgasm, no steady contact with the possibility of no future contact, no emotional involvement and the list can continue on and on, but do I really need to continue? Most of it is because there has been no conversation between the two people, explaining what each other likes, if they are sleeping with anyone else… you get the gist. It isn’t really warm and inviting, but sometimes those things sound good to people, right? Maybe it might be what you need at the time.
The Scene: Within the first 3 months, you’ve gone out on hopefully 12+ dates and have started to feel comfortable around each other. You have learned what you like in the person and that even though seeing some faults, you can look past those to get to know that person even better. You might have met a friend or two of theirs along the way but for the most part you are still living individual lives.
Consequences: still has similar consequences to the first one but it is possible to start having the pro’s and con’s weighing about the same. You may have communicated with each other about having safe sex and started mentioning the things that you like in bed. You might have also started to have satisfying sex due to the communication and bond that has formed between you and your partner, thus resulting in fun sex, orgasms or more than one night a week in the hay.
I kind of feel there is no point to continue after that as I have found that most people either break up after that mark or if they continue on in their relationship, they are working on it constantly meaning communication between each other. Whether you decide to give it up to the first guy or wait for a lifetime, make sure you do what is right for you. Not anyone else. It doesn’t matter what the rules are or what your friends do, trust your gut and your heart. Listen to what you really believe in and go with it! Just make sure to be safe along the way! (No, seriously, condoms are cheap, use one!)
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I leave you with this. I found this on a random website and kind of liked it. In response to “how long should I wait”
“For as long as it takes. We’re not asking you to abstain until you’re 65-1/2, but an acquaintance is not a friend. If you hardly know each other and don’t have the scorecards on each other’s quirks, then skip the bedroom for now and go out and play out in the field. The saying about giving up your virginity to the one you love is outdated advice and is sure to provoke “are you crazy?” comments, but don’t go the other extreme either by giving your virginity to someone you just met a few hours ago. Don’t be cheap with yourself! You’re worth a lot more than a couple of beers and a drizzle of flattering remarks. When a guy overdoses on compliments and says the right things to bait you, play smart and don’t bite. Get to know him, warts and all…before tearing down the barriers.
Whether you’re a teenager or a young adult, play the waiting game. Patience has its virtues…and its rewards. You can date all you want – it’s a real smorgasbord out there, but you can’t have sex with each one you date.”
Bar Dynamics
I once observed a man walk into a bar and have dinner with one woman, only to end up leaving with another. I couldn’t believe it and it still stuns me to think about it. Now now now, before you jump to conclusions, it’s not like he randomly found these women at the bar. He knew both of them, but not very well.
He sat down and had dinner with the first women and at some point she left due to “being tired” and another woman walked in and after a few drinks, the two of them left. Add into the whole mess the other girl left her scarf and salad behind. He tried to pretend that the scarf was his and girl #2 kept wondering why he would have a scarf as fluffy and feminine like he did. By the time he left they were both drunk enough not to question it, so much because she did a test smell it at some point but that didn’t affect anyone’s decision.
It cracks me up that a man can do this in the course of 2 hours and not think anything of it. That they can simply jump from one woman to the next and it not phase them. It amazes me, I guess, because I am so jealous of that ability. That women always need to connect on a different level, usually an emotional one, at some point but men can connect on any level that allows them to think with another part of their body. Maybe it is because they stop thinking with the top part of their body, a.k.a. the brain, and then think with the lower half where all the blood has rushed to, therefore making it physically impossible to make the right decision.
I know I have joked in the past that women can sometimes do this, but the truth is that they struggle. They can disconnect but then it isn’t the same. Oh if only, we as females could have to such possibilities. Maybe someday we would have that option but I don’t think that will ever happen. It is hard to be jealous, I mean when you think about it, what is there to be jealous of? I think that having the ability to use women over and over isn’t anything to be proud of. In fact it only proves the fact that men are more brain dead than we thought. You can see them at 1am franticly texting women trying to find one that would come over to please them and unfortunately some women do, thinking they were the only ones that were beckoned. Suckers… that is the only way you can think about it. I know it is the harsh truth, but unfortunately, it is the only truth.
Men and women will always have a different point of view and there is nothing that we can do to change it. We as women think that we can be more aggressive and do things outside of our gut reactions but when it comes down to it, we can’t. We are softies at heart. And those who have ventured outside of the women realm, they have learned that they are usually disappointed and let down. They thought they could do it but they can’t handle it. And men, they will never change. It isn’t until they find someone in their life that they decide to break the mold and do something different. It takes a “special” women…so dorky to say but very true. When have you ever found a man willing to change unless it was for the “right” woman or better said, right woman for him? Those special women though you might be envious of them, they are nothing to get green about. They are just another woman who happened to find themselves in the life of a man at the right time. Seriously, think about it. It isn’t the wonderful woman that they are, it is about the man who had decided to be the wonderful man that he really is deep down inside. He has chosen to make that change and he doesn’t give a darn about the woman.
Authors side note: I want to make note that I don’t mean ALL men! I refer to men that are associated with the male mentioned up above. This will also be one of many posted related to my observations within a bar and the male female courtship.