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pancake fun!
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If only...
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Between Merida and Cancun, Mexico
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Salmon BLT Sliders with Chipotle Mayo by howsweeteats #Salmon #Bacon #Chipotle #Sliders #howsweeteats
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Lamb Sliders with Tzatziki by fotocuisine #Lamb #Sliders #fotocuisine
Too good to be true
Do you ever have those moments, where everything starts to fall into place? Where after struggling, your life just magically starts to come into sync? I think we as women, start to wonder, what is going to happen? It is only once we realize that everything is coming together nicely that we wonder, what part of life is going to fall through?
For me, it was the very large aspects in my life. I had recently gotten a new apartment, (I haven’t had my own place in almost 3 years), a new job (which I have been meaning to tell you about, next post, I promise) and a new guy (which has been an interesting ride). I never wanted to mention it for fear of jinxing it, but I knew something was going to fall; I just wasn’t sure what it was. Well, it all came into fruition last night. The Man came over last night and broke up with me. Now now, before you go throwing me a pitty party, please understand that it is probably for the better.
I won’t go into intimate details, because I don’t think that airing our dirty laundry if fair, especially since he doesn’t have the option of his own input. What I can tell you, is this whole situation just plain sucks! We only dated for 4 months, but knew each other for 7. I enjoyed this man’s company and the time we spent together (especially all the laughter between us, even during our break up). I don’t think I have ever respected a man that I dated so much as him, or had a man that respected himself.
————— (Forewarning, this is where my psychological mind kicks in) —————
Sigh… I feel that because of his experiences in past relationships and watching his friend’s unhappy relationships, that he gave up on the relationship before it had a chance to bloom or go anywhere. Whether it was the fear of the future or he really knew that he didn’t want to be with me. I think with relationships, sometimes you can’t sit by the edge and dip your toe in to test the waters, but instead that you have to dive in head first, with your full self; mind, body and soul. I don’t feel he was ready for that, or at least, to do that with me.
But you have to remember, that a relationship is a two way street. If he had already made his decision on how he felt, there is no point in me sitting here trying to defend my case. I respect the fact that he was able to be honest and that he didn’t want to be in a relationship. It saved me the time before getting too emotionally attached and then feeling totally let down. I do wish him the best and hope he finds someone that he does fall in love with, because he is such a great gentleman. Such a gentleman, that he did ask to continue being friends, but unfortunately, I need some time before I can do that. When you connect with a person on an intimate level, it is hard to take the relationship back to friendship. I know that it is possible, because that is how I got Tim as a best friend! Until that time comes, I will miss The Man… but I am glad and thankful that he gave us a chance because it did allow me to learn some things. I am looking forward to the possibility of a future friendship with him as well!
So yes, I had a gut feeling that something was going to change; I just didn’t know what area of my life that was going to be. I have to say, (for selfish reasons of course) I wish it was a different one, because in these days, even finding a job would be easier than finding a man to enjoy spending time with! Ha ha! In the end, I think I already knew and had seen some of the red flags, it was just a matter of paying attention and acknowledging them is the trick. Oh well, at least I prepared myself for what could have been a possibility, which in the end turned out to be the reality. Just more practice for the future.
So… in the mean time, anyone know a guy for me? These ovaries of mine are getting old and need to get a move on it! Ha ha
————————– FOLLOW UP ——————————–
As I have gone though my day today and re-read my post I feel the need to post a follow up. I realized that I really only talked about him. I guess that makes sense since he had made up his mind before hand and left me to deal with the aftermath. But as I said before, relationships are a two way street. So it is time to take a look at myself and what went wrong on my end.
Yes, I know that I wanted something more than he was able to provide. I wanted a relationship filled with love and trust, with the possibility of a future life. He told me he wasn’t ready for that and I, being a stubborn woman didn’t listen! We women tend to think, we are better than the last woman and even though we know we cannot change a person, we still think that it is a possibility.
I thought I could show him love…show him how to receive love and how to love. But you cannot change a person unless they want to. You cannot force a person to love if they are not willing to open their heart and receive it.
In the end, I think we both were trying to take a FRIENDship and squish it into a RELATIONship mold that just wasn’t working. Both of us individually trying to shape it into the way that worked for us, but not doing it together. He tried and I tried, and it just didn’t work, but he was the one that had the courage to speak up first. It’s weird….I didn’t cry… with my hormonal issues, I’ve been known to cry over commercials! Maybe it’s because I already knew… maybe because I felt the same way as him. I really do hope that we can go back to being friends after this; and to be honest, I don’t think there is any reason for us not to be friends. Again, until I am unable to let go of those affectionate feelings for him, I will miss our talks and laughter but look forward to the future friendship.
Sports and more….who would have thought!
Sunday was such an amazing day! I don’t think I have had a day filled with as many sports as today, and yet I really enjoyed it. I know normally I post less personal things yet this day I want to remember (for multiple reasons) which is why I have chosen to write about it. It might be a little lengthy, scattered and off the beaten path, but you should know by now, it’s the only way I work *smiles*
The Man and I started off the morning with a brunch at Colt & Gray. What a different experience than the last time I was there. I went there back in August of last year; it was an awful experience with so-so food. This time around it was totally different. One thing you need to know is, when I eat brunch, I EAT BRUNCH! I have been known to order 1-4 entrées in one sitting (but usually I take some of it home). Today, I enjoyed Duck Confit Hash with Egg Whites and Apple-Mascarpone Stuffed Brioche French Toast. I did find it slightly funny that the waiter had to question me when I ordered two entrées. Usually I preface my order with, “I am bad with brunch, I want to try it all” or “I am going to order a lot of things, because it all looks good” but instead I just ordered two right off the bat, and he had to double check that we were ordering 3 entrées for the two of us (while I still kept adding on things like a green salad and such). I ended up eating 95% of my Duck Confit and shared the French Toast with The Man (luckily). It was ALL very good and I am glad that we chose to eat there before the game. I do have to admit the coffee was good but not great, but I think after today’s brunch I might be willing to give Colt & Gray another chance at dinner. Might…
Speaking of the game, today I went to my first Avalanche hockey game! I have seen many a hockey game, but usually it was at a local college. I was so excited, since the last time I think I saw the Avalanche players in person was back when McNichols arena was still around (1995-1998), and it was with dad on “Take your daughter to work day”. It was obvious that it had been a long time since I had been to a national league game, as I can’t remember ALL the advertising that was going on in the arena. Lots of bright lights and sounds, so much so that I started to feel…over stimulated. It was the first time in years that I felt the beginning of an anxiety attack. I wanted to be there to have fun, not test me on my old fears. With my heart starting to race, my breathing increasing, hands shaking, and the only I wanted to do was cry. I STILL can’t figure out what really happened or what brought on those feelings, but a short trip to the bathroom and a venting phone call to mom helped me out, long enough to enjoy the game and the company of The Man.
Have you ever had the chance to walk around the city that you live in and actually SEE what it looks like? The Man and I had that opportunity between brunch and the game and then back. The weather was absolutely perfect, 75 degrees, slightly cloudy, no wind, just perfect. I spent a lot of the time walking staring up at the sky, my eyes grazing the tops of buildings. We also did a walk through Commons Park, where the Platte River runs through. I enjoyed watching little kids playing in the park, the young boys practicing their wake boarding, couples walking their newborns with the dog attached to the stroller or passionate bike riders out on the trail pushing themselves to go faster. There is something about a scene like that, that just shows you how a city works, like each person enjoying their activity is just another cog in the wheel and a the park makes up just one wheel in the constant moving machine we call Denver. Between the people watching and noticing architecture that I have never truly seen while just driving by, I tried to breathe it all in. It’s sad that we can live in the same place for our whole lives and never notice just the simplest things that could give us pleasure.
On the way home from the game, we decided to stop and have a quick bite before heading home. The Man enjoys his sports, more than most men that I have dated. So much, that he was checking the Rockies score on his Blackberry while at the hockey game! We found the perfect spot that was showing the end of the Rockies game, along with the Masters. I have never been a fan of watching golf, but this game was interesting to watch mostly due to Tiger coming back to the game. I must admit that I would rather be playing golf or baseball then watching it, but I have learned how easy it is to get caught up in the game. Now if only I could learn to listen to games on the radio and be able to visualize it at the same time. Yeah, don’t think that is going to happen any time soon!
The day ended perfectly with some great bonding between The Man and I, getting to know one another just a little better, on a different level. I know this whole date sounds like it was planned by a male, but in fact I thought of most of it! The hockey game was my idea and of course brunch! I LOVE FOOD! (He only eats to sustain himself) and then we kind of “flew by the seat of our pants” (ok, well I was done with making decisions and didn’t really care what we did after what I had planned, because I knew that no matter what we did, I am sure I would enjoy it). Are you wondering what the next sporting event that I am headed to is? Looks like a Colorado Rockies game this Tuesday, Rockies vs. Mets. Not looking forward to the “spring” weather that is planned for the evening, but I think between the game and the company, I will find it to be a good treat after a long day of work and school. Whew… I am winded from just typing that! I promise the next post will be a little less….maybe…. *wink*
A different one…
So I have been dating this man for almost two months now….there I said it, out loud. I have been keeping quiet about it for awhile now but I figure if I have been dating him for this long, I might as well tell you about it him. For now, we will refer to him as The Man. And boy is he a different one than I have EVER dated!
First, he is an Aries, which is the exact opposite of a Libra. This has made the relationship very exciting and frustrating at the same time. “Aries Man - Romance with him will be like a roller coaster ride, where you don’t get even a single moment to think and brood… Consistency is something that does not gel well with his characteristics profile. The love of an Aries male will warm you with passion one minute and the very next minute, you may feel as if you are sitting in the North Pole.” I couldn’t think of a better way to describe my experience!
From the first time we went out it has been this way and with each and every time proving to be the same. I don’t think I have ever met a man that is the exact opposite of me yet the ability to connect on many different subjects and levels. What attracted me first was his mind… I have always been a sap for an intellectual, I am an informational sponge and any man that could feed that need along with having a wonderful conversation is just icing on the cake. I also can’t remember laughing as much as I do with him. Whether we are jokingly harassing each other or telling a story, my belly has definitely had gotten its workout! A frustrating difference between us is that I am an affectionate person. One of those touchy-feely people, that gives hugs and kisses to friends and family whenever I greet or leave them. I don’t hold back and I express my feelings whenever I feel them. He however, is not, especially in public. I will admit that he is much more affectionate within the protection of his home, usually after being together for some time but it is still something I am learning to adapt to. Another difference in our approach to dating is spending only one day a week together. I am ALL for independence, believe me, that was one of the reasons I didn’t want to start dating again was I didn’t have time and my priority in life right now is school. I like having me time and not having a man that wants to make me his world. But after dating a man for 3 months, I would hope to spend a little more time with him. I am not asking for days on end but maybe a phone call every once and a while. Sigh…
The truth is… I like him. Besides my relationship with my BFF Tim, this is the first guy that I started seeing since my engagement and after going through therapy. I enjoy the time that I do spend with him, the adventurous ride that I am being taken on and I am curious to see where it goes. I think we both have something that we can teach each other because of our ability to bring something different to the table. I can’t tell right now if it is a healthy relationship yet, but I will continue on and let it follow its course. He is definitely someone different in my life and couldn’t have thought of a better person to explore my new found road of life with. If this relationship continues on the slow and steady course that it has been, maybe you will hear more about this new Man. Only time can tell…*Smiles*
Bar Dynamics
I once observed a man walk into a bar and have dinner with one woman, only to end up leaving with another. I couldn’t believe it and it still stuns me to think about it. Now now now, before you jump to conclusions, it’s not like he randomly found these women at the bar. He knew both of them, but not very well.
He sat down and had dinner with the first women and at some point she left due to “being tired” and another woman walked in and after a few drinks, the two of them left. Add into the whole mess the other girl left her scarf and salad behind. He tried to pretend that the scarf was his and girl #2 kept wondering why he would have a scarf as fluffy and feminine like he did. By the time he left they were both drunk enough not to question it, so much because she did a test smell it at some point but that didn’t affect anyone’s decision.
It cracks me up that a man can do this in the course of 2 hours and not think anything of it. That they can simply jump from one woman to the next and it not phase them. It amazes me, I guess, because I am so jealous of that ability. That women always need to connect on a different level, usually an emotional one, at some point but men can connect on any level that allows them to think with another part of their body. Maybe it is because they stop thinking with the top part of their body, a.k.a. the brain, and then think with the lower half where all the blood has rushed to, therefore making it physically impossible to make the right decision.
I know I have joked in the past that women can sometimes do this, but the truth is that they struggle. They can disconnect but then it isn’t the same. Oh if only, we as females could have to such possibilities. Maybe someday we would have that option but I don’t think that will ever happen. It is hard to be jealous, I mean when you think about it, what is there to be jealous of? I think that having the ability to use women over and over isn’t anything to be proud of. In fact it only proves the fact that men are more brain dead than we thought. You can see them at 1am franticly texting women trying to find one that would come over to please them and unfortunately some women do, thinking they were the only ones that were beckoned. Suckers… that is the only way you can think about it. I know it is the harsh truth, but unfortunately, it is the only truth.
Men and women will always have a different point of view and there is nothing that we can do to change it. We as women think that we can be more aggressive and do things outside of our gut reactions but when it comes down to it, we can’t. We are softies at heart. And those who have ventured outside of the women realm, they have learned that they are usually disappointed and let down. They thought they could do it but they can’t handle it. And men, they will never change. It isn’t until they find someone in their life that they decide to break the mold and do something different. It takes a “special” women…so dorky to say but very true. When have you ever found a man willing to change unless it was for the “right” woman or better said, right woman for him? Those special women though you might be envious of them, they are nothing to get green about. They are just another woman who happened to find themselves in the life of a man at the right time. Seriously, think about it. It isn’t the wonderful woman that they are, it is about the man who had decided to be the wonderful man that he really is deep down inside. He has chosen to make that change and he doesn’t give a darn about the woman.
Authors side note: I want to make note that I don’t mean ALL men! I refer to men that are associated with the male mentioned up above. This will also be one of many posted related to my observations within a bar and the male female courtship.
Dating, Seeing or Sleeping?
Almost every time that I talk with one of male friends, one of the first questions that I ask him is “Dating, seeing or sleeping with anyone new?” The truth is, for a single person in my age group, you are usually doing one of the three things or none of the above. As scary as it might seem to hear this to those that are older and married, this is reality. If you are not a virgin or in a committed relationship, you find yourself hopping from bed to bed, in the hopes of finding a partner that interests you in some way (depending on what exactly you would like stimulated). Your friends that are in a relationship don’t understand why you don’t just settle down with someone and your single friends that are choosing not to bounce from bed to bed, don’t understand what the purpose is. Is this really the only “in-between” option for us? What if you don’t have time for a relationship but don’t want to have casual sex?… I believe they would call that a friendship
Definitions (per me)
Sleeping – exactly what it sounds like. It is a purely sexual relationship and nothing more. Also know as a “friend with benefits”
Seeing – you have meet with this person a few times, and haven’t decided what direction it is going to go from here. It can turn into a sleeping or dating relationship from this point. You might have had a make-out session or two, but the relationship is just only starting to bud
Dating – you enjoy this persons company along with finding them sexually attractive. You have been seeing them for a while now and probably because you respect this person, you have chosen not to “seal the deal” just yet because you are curious to see where it goes and have found your once empty time is now filled with this person.
Now that we have established that, is it possible to go from a lust relationship to a real relationship filled with love and respect? Let’s say you have known a person for a while and started a physical relationship, is it possible to move into a rounded healthy relationship? If you built the relationship on something other than sex in itself like friendship, then yes, it has potential. But if what you have built it on is purely sexual attraction then the possibilities are slim. I am not saying the relationship isn’t capable of growing, but let’s just be honest. It doesn’t have the best track record.
In the end, it doesn’t matter what type of relationship that you are in, as long as YOU are happy. If you have taken a step back and noticed that you are not, then it is time to look inside yourself. It may sound cheesy, but how can you love someone else, if you can’t love yourself? I bet you, that if you start focusing on yourself things will just happen. Whether you are doing things that you enjoy and redirecting your energy internally or as basic as working on that project at work, it will all change the situation. That is why they usually say that love happens when you least expect it.
So whatever your current relationship position, I wish you the best!
Authors note: If you feel you need help or guidance, don’t be afraid to contact me. I will also start a forum on this topic so don’t be afraid to post, it can be completely anonymous.
The Wonderful World of Dating
I made the decision back about a month ago to start dating. To be honest I really don’t look forward to this part of my journey. I know that the process to start dating always comes off as being a tedious task. You have weed out the bad before you can get to the good. It’s getting through those that will make it worth it in the end.
I once vowed that I would have a child by age 30 with or without a man in my life. The one thing that I want most is to become a mother. However school has thrown a wrench in that cogwheel of life and now I have been given the opportunity to get an education. I have also accepted the fact that maybe I will never become a mother but “Aunt Kristen” to every one of my friend’s children (for multiple reasons).
I know I am ready for the challenge. I have gone through enough cognitive therapy to learn what I looking for in life, the person I am looking for in terms of a life time partner. I am no longer looking for a father figure to my children. I am looking for someone that can be my equal in life. A man with a masculine side that also has heart and the ability to communicate. I have dated so many men with feminine qualities that usually I am the one to wear the pants in the relationship. I am ready to play a more “female” role with someone that can deal with my independence and not feel threatened by lack of needing to be dependent upon them. That male exists somewhere out in the world (as I am sure I am not the only one) but it will be a long search in order to get there.
So far the results have not been very good. I have been set up on dates with various men, some of which I have not found attractive due to lack of the ability to have an intelligent conversation along with such extreme cases as them not knowing they were attracted to the same sex or being in an open marriage.
This will probably be one of the most amusing things for you to read within my life in the next few years (besides school). I invite you to take the journey with me, through the trials and tribulations of being a single woman, one the road to achieving both self satisfaction and family, whether by school or dating.