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pancake fun!
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If only...
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Between Merida and Cancun, Mexico
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Salmon BLT Sliders with Chipotle Mayo by howsweeteats #Salmon #Bacon #Chipotle #Sliders #howsweeteats
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Lamb Sliders with Tzatziki by fotocuisine #Lamb #Sliders #fotocuisine
Not Just Another Single Girl
What do you think of when you think of when you think of a single woman? Probably one of the two stereotypes, cut to a scene of: Example A – the woman at home with her cats, usually in her pajamas eating ice cream on a Saturday night or Example B – the all night party girl, at a loud dance club decked out in skanky clothes trying to find the man of the evening to go home with
Maybe it is the fact that my 30th birthday is this year or maybe it is a loss of another friend but I felt the need to speak up. I miss having lots of friends, especially male friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the women in my life but there is something about hanging out with the boys that is so comfortable for me. Maybe it’s because as a child most of my playmates were boys. Maybe it’s being raised by a mother that didn’t believe in defined gender roles, never saying what we could or couldn’t do because we were a boy or a girl. My first doll was a He-Man, long before I played with Barbie. And when I finally did play with Barbie it was my mother’s 50’s style Barbie, not the big boob blond that we know today. I love that the lines were never drawn out with a big fat permanent marker, but were perfectly blurred like water colors allowing us to move about to either side.
I was talking to my mother after I was told by another male friend that we couldn’t hang out because of his new girlfriend. I can’t begin to tell you how many male friends that I have lost to this issue. My mother pointed out that maybe if I was in a relationship, it would be different, but since I am a single girl I could be perceived as threatening. So with that, I would like to put the following out there.
• I don’t believe in cheating, I never have and never will
• I won’t make you a cheater, I don’t like drama in my life
• If I develop feelings for you, I will walk away as crossing that line isn’t appropriate
• If you develop feelings for me while in a relationship, you give me no choice but to shut the door on our friendship
• The last two won’t ever happen because the friendship is defined from the beginning through open communication. To all the girlfriends out there, if I wanted him or he wanted me, then you wouldn’t be in the picture in the first place. We probably experienced enough of each others idiosyncrasies that we knew that we couldn’t make it on a full time basis – by all means ladies, he is all yours!
Maybe one day we could all feel secure and trust each other enough to allow our partners to be friends with the opposite sex or comfortable to be friends with the opposite sex and not thinking there is an alternative motive hiding underneath the surface. I am different, I know my place and I wish that my friends had enough balls to stand their ground [pun intended] and say I am their friend. But that hasn’t been the case; the new girl always wins which saddens me to find out our friendship wasn’t a strong as I thought it was.
On a similar note of friendship, for years I have used the quote “You laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same” but as much as I enjoy my independence, it still leaves me with the feeling of wanting to fit in. The last few weeks while looking for blog design ideas I also have been searching for bloggers to follow that I can identify with. There are the “I am a single woman, hear me roar” blogs that I found enjoyable, but then it started to drift towards the extreme level of “I am single and there is nothing wrong with me staying that way my entire life”. So I went off into the internet world to find others but all I could find were 20-something year olds [verbatim from their about me section] with the following three elements: recently married or soon to be, who loved fashion and/or beauty products and has the token tiny dog or new born baby. Don’t get me wrong, I like those things too but I am basically the complete opposite from these beautiful ladies. In fact, 14 years ago I thought I would have had their life but instead I have been guided down a different path filled with many life changing lessons.
Since I started blogging the one thing that I noticed from the beginning is I don’t have one defined genre, I am just kind of in the middle. I am not a fitness guru, a fashion critic, or a dating or sex goddess. I am just me. The way I am usually defined by others is caring. I care deeply about those in my life, so much so that I am willing to stop what I am doing at the drop of a hat to help them out or make them happy. I consider it both a blessing and a curse but it is me. Maybe someday I can find a blogging community that does the same?
I won’t blog about my marriage, as I don’t have one. I won’t blog about fashion as my closet consists of mostly cotton clothes. I won’t blog about cooking because it is never exciting cooking for one. I won’t blog about the cute thing that my pet did because my two cats are just that – cats, nowhere near a substitute for a child. And I won’t blog about being single, as it doesn’t define me. Blogging is a form of therapy for me, a way of reaching out to the world asking for a little acceptance, not because I conformed to the model that society has made but because I stand out amongst the herd. Once day I might become one of you: one of the married, the fitness freak, mother with mishaps, the cooking guru, or even a crafty Cathy. I am a woman in the middle. One day I might become one of you but until I can be called a wife or a mother, don’t define me as another single woman. Instead – I hope that you can call me a friend.
Relationship Leftovers
Here it is, another weekend and I have found myself with an interesting reoccurring weekend routine since I left my job at the bar; two new habits that I didn’t have a year ago. You see, I have picked them up from my ex and didn’t realize it until today. Isn’t it amazing where you gain habits?
Habit: noun a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity; an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary
This year I have lost two good men in my life, my ex and my best guy friend, and lately I have been thinking about them and wondering how their life is going. I lost my best guy friend to his new girlfriend and found out our friendship was not as strong as I thought it was. While I don’t know the specifics, I believe the separation was due to girlfriend insecurities but as long as he is happy, that’s what matters.
My ex on the other hand, was afraid of commitment and was still discovering himself which I can completely identify with as I went through it after calling off my engagement 3 years ago. When he did participate in the relationship, it was a beautiful friendship with learning and growing between both parties. One of the things that I learned to love was baseball. I always loved the game but I preferred playing it to watching it. My ex had season tickets to the Rockies and while I went to only a handful of games over the past two seasons, I now find my remote stopping on Root Sports or driving off to the sports bar to catch the end of the game. Not to mention if I am not able to watch, I make sure to check my Android app for game highlights or the current score. Who would have thought?
My other habit that I have continued since the break up is coffee cream and HGTV. When I spent the night (gasp! I know, but that’s what adults in monogamous relationships do) we would wake up, make coffee and watch do it yourself shows like Yard Crashers and House Crashers. Always a lukewarm black coffee drinker, he had fun flavored coffee creamers (my favorite being Cinnamon Vanilla Crème) and now find myself pouring it in every cup of Joe at work and at home. The only place I still drink black coffee is when I go out to breakfast. As for HGTV, it wouldn’t feel like Saturday morning without it. They are my constant reminder of him and how he is not around.
I debated texting either one of them today just to check in; to see how Tim’s relationship with Kate is going or see if Michael ever got consent to have the surgery on his hand. But since I was the one that was rejected… it seems almost silly to reach out. Being friends with an ex has always been a controversial topic, most people taking one side or the other or saying it depended on the circumstances. Here are articles on the subject from The Frisky and Ask Men.
With my birthday next month I am curious to see if I get the standard birthday text, with the additional possibility of being able to start those friendships back up again. There is a place in my heart that misses them and I wonder if they ever think about me too.
Front and Back of a shirt from T-ShirtHell.com
Weekend Randoms
I am not going to lie; I have been a lazy bum this weekend. With the Memorial Day weekend I have been blessed with an extra day of free time. So today I plan on running just a few errands and then heading off to the park with friends but I thought I would give you a little update.
I have officially become a member of 24hour Fitness. I absolutely dread going to the gym, it is the one place that I have not overcome the social anxiety – mostly likely because I just chose to avoid it then get over it. With the transition of bartending full time to my office job and sitting at a desk all day, I managed to put on about 10 pounds, but with the change of my schedule (getting out after 7pm) I put on an additional 10 pounds in the past 2 months. I have been saying for months that I am going to lose weight but my current exercise plans are obviously not working, so …the gym it is. I’m on my way to getting physically fit!
I started teaching myself to knit. Here is a glimpse of what I started. It has doubled in size since this photo but not sure if I am going to do anything with it. I want to try knitting with a smaller yarn because if I am not paying attention, I will accidentally split the yarn in half (hard to explain without a visual) but I am glad that I finally learned. I also don’t see myself doing much with it since it causes pain in my hands if I do it too many days in a row. Besides the knitting, I have started a new book but have only made it through the first chapter so not too much to say right now.
Last but not least, I thought this was too funny not to share.
I recently came across this horoscope for the month and I couldn’t agree more. While I won’t dive into the relationship part right now, I will say I have managed to improve my credit score by over 120 points! It really took a dive when I went without income and was living like I had more than enough. I paid off about 60% of my credit card debit and configured most of my current debit to have 0% interest. My goal is to finish paying it all off before the end of the year which I think is a possibility. With getting my credit under control, I am feeling more comfortable with searching for a home to purchase.
That’s about it for today.
If you don’t mind, I am going to hop in the shower, ignore the household chores for now and head out to enjoy a wonderful sunny day in my beautiful city! Hoping that Gigi’s Cupcakes is open because I have had a craving for awhile! May you enjoy your Memorial Day with family and friends and I leave you with this opinion page in regards to Memorial Day remembrance.
A Perfect Way To End The Week
While I do have a post coming soon about my biopsy results (not bad nor good) I just wanted to boast about how wonderful my weekend was and how thankful I am for friends and family! It was like every person and situation was the building block to getting me back into one piece.
It started off with Thursday night spent with Ms Gretchen who I haven’t seen in forever, and bar friend Eric. We had dinner at 8 Rivers and ended the night at our old bar IceHouse, reminding me of the good times we used to have working together. Friday night Michael and I did a lot of laughing, even though he ruined Skeeball for me (damn those natural athletes), whether he knew it or not he was the right balance of laughs (plus tickle wars) and hugs. What is it about a friends embrace that melt away any concerns? While Saturday day was rushed quickly I still got to attend my niece’s baby shower and get in some serious baby holding time with my 3 month old great niece. And after rushing back to Denver from Fort Collins, I got to see the Mrs. Colorado pageant with my boys Frank, Wesley and Gino followed by all night dancing (with some serious foot swelling). And Sunday morning breakfast with Luisa to catch up on this week’s events with an awesome Greek omelet and to top it all off… Kristen time plus an afternoon nap!
It was exactly what I needed to get my mind off such a stressful week, between the new job and biopsy results. Thank you to everyone who participated in it! I am SO thankful to have you in my life being there when I need it! Below are just a few pictures from the weekend. Should have another post here soon with the results along with more information that should be useful to everyone.
Modeling – the new side job?
Recently I was asked by my friend Gino Velardi to help him with a quick photo shoot to get his red carpet gowns to some of the Hollywood stylists in time for the award shows. Now this wasn’t a big production – it was arranged via text and a friend of his offered up her bridal gown store for the shoot. It was exciting and I am so thankful that he chose me! His gowns are absolutely stunning and have the ability to make any woman feel beautiful! You can see some of his other designs at www.GinoVelardi.com or on Facebook.
While I was there, his friend, DeeDee Vicory, who owns D’Lola Couture Bridal Boutique, asked if I would be interested in doing some bridal shots for her as well. While I don’t think she will be calling me anytime soon, it did start me thinking. The last time I modeled was for a bridal gown line at the age of 19. After I stopped dancing, I tried getting in the door while I was young but there was always something that I needed to correct or change, like the gaps in my teeth. I was asked by a woman that my father met while doing a news story (he worked for a local news station) to take some photos to help push their new catalog. I was paid around $300 and was also given all the photos from the shoot! You think that I would have taken that opportunity and built a portfolio … but alas I was in a new relationship and chose to spend every waking moment with a boy instead. (Silly me)
Ever since then, I told myself that I would try getting back into the modeling/acting scene around the age of 40. Long after I have children and would be looking for something more fun to do, even if it was just hand modeling for the newest anti-aging cream. I don’t think I had enough confidence to try getting into the business. It is a very harsh business and at the time, I don’t think I could have handled the criticism. With these recent events it has got me thinking, is this something I could do for a little extra cash? Now, I know that I would have to step up my exercise plan, ok…actually create an exercise plan and follow it, but that’s easy. And I would need some training on what angles my body and jaw line look best in (think Jay Manuel from America’s Next Top Model). Hummm…. It definitely has me thinking about plans for the future and the possibilities that could be! For now I will work on getting my body back into its toner/leaner version (thanks to Luisa for my trial membership to 24 hour fitness) and maybe see what it can lead to! Wish me luck!
On a similar note, I want to thank friends Frank and Wesley for introducing me to Gino and for always considering me their “model friend” (even though I was too chicken to try out for ANTM when they wanted me to!) Love you both!
The Opposite Reaction
So I have reached the end of my 30 days of sobriety. I wish I could come out saying it was this wonderful amazing experience but for me, that happened within the first week! I think the reason it was such a powerful feeling the first five days was I boasted about my new challenge with anyone that stood around long enough to listen. I told office co-workers and bar customers, friends and family, but was I was surprised about – was the support. Even the heaviest of drinker friends didn’t try and pressure me; in fact I had people join me in my 30 day crusade, some during, some starting this upcoming month.
The effects went in immediately after stating that I wouldn’t be drinking for 30 days. I stop even wanting anything after the second day. I expected having many nights in, working out and going to bed early a.k.a. no social life. Instead the first week I was out EVERY NIGHT and similar schedule the week after. In fact, I think I have gone out and participated in more activities within the first 20 days of January then the last three months!
My nights were filled with dinner dates with friends, charity events, ice skating, school, Smash Putt, theatre shows, the stock show oh…and work. In the month of January I ended up having only two days off. Yes, that means I will have worked at least 29 out of the 31 days of January. I am amazed that I still had clean clothes!
Back to the activities… since I didn’t take pictures of everything that I participated in, I will leave you with the things that I have learned over the past 30 days (some related to the challenge and some not)
- scary how many of my activities revolve around alcohol
- once I announced my 30 days, many people wanted to join me
- many were too afraid to try though, knowing they might fail
- danced with a man for the first time (no snickering, just never had the opportunity) and found out that I need to learn how to follow, as in, not trying to lead (I play the male role when dancing with women)
- even the heaviest of drinkers supported me and didn’t pressure
- if you post on Facebook that you are getting set up on blind dates, no need for a dating service, men just seem to crawl out of the wood work, even those not on Facebook (and so far is working to my benefit)
- it isn’t as hard as you’d think to break or create a habit
- I should spend more time with family, mainly because I enjoy them (plus the little kids seem to grow up really quickly now a days)
- there are certain events that I now prefer to participate sober
- enjoying my journey re-discovering my faith, but just like school, it will be a long one
- my recent (small) weight loss might have been due to the lack of empty calories via alcohol (might)
- experiencing activities as an adult that I did as a child – not always the way I remember them, but still have the ability to evoke feelings
- true friends are always there for you, even when you think they’re not, and seem to touch base when you need it most, whether you were aware you needed them to
Plans for the future
While I may be out of adult time out, I am still on probation. I can’t just jump back in with both feet. I need to hang out in the wading pool for awhile. The next month, I will only be allowed to drink beer and wine and only two glasses per night or outing. I probably will have a beer or two for super bowl and some wine on Valentine’s Day. Also, I won’t be allowed to keep any booze in the house. Maybe after a couple of months, I can bring a small bottle, no longer the massive jug that one occupied the fridge. Not sure when the hard alcohol will come back into play but I’m in no rush; just taking one step at a time and everything in moderation. For now I will sip my pomegranate blueberry juice at night before bed and looking forward to encouraging the new round of friends that are giving the sobriety thing a go for the month of February. I TOTALLY SUPPORT YOU!
Vegas Birthday Bash!
My oh my! Boy, I had no idea what I was in store for on my trip to Las Vegas.
It was my birthday two weeks ago and I chose to celebrate with two of my girlfriends out in Vegas! It wasn’t a milestone birthday but I needed the break. I am SO glad that we decided to do this! (By the way, it was their birthday’s just the month prior) This was my first girl trip and I have to say that we all lucked out…there was no cattiness or drama amongst us! I couldn’t have asked for better chemistry.
While I don’t believe in the saying, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” I won’t go into the details of every day as we were there for 4 days!
Luisa and I arrived just after noon on Thursday and headed straight for the Bellagio, while waiting for Catie’s flight to arrive. Have you seen the recent commercials where they surprise the kids with a trip to Disneyland? Yeah… that’s pretty much how you can describe my excitement level. It had been so long since I had taken a vacation … I felt like I could explode inside (which would probably explain all the jumping up and down). As we arrived, it was hard for me to process everything… that an entire city is made up of hotels, not office buildings. Where in a normal city, hotels are spread out over miles but here there was one connected to the next and all shopping and stores were actually IN the hotel not separate buildings. Then there was the drinking… you didn’t have to finish your glass of wine before leaving a location, you could just pick it up and take it to the next.
The first day was filled with bonding between the three ladies, running various errands and settling into our hotel. We attempted to plan out our adventure, ok, well I guess it was more ME attempting to plan out our trip then US (cut to me in the lounge with a laptop and the other two laughing at me). There was just so much to discover and squeeze into our schedule! All three of us had ideas and things we wanted to check off our to do list. Things like going down to Freemont Street, sitting in on a Las Vegas wedding, Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, seeing a Vegas Show, you get the idea. Well, after we (I) made the list, it pretty much went out the window from there… and instead we flew by the seat of our pants (skirts). The nights were filled with wonderful dinners and drinks, club hopping with dancing and meeting new people. Days were spent in the sun drenched pool and exploring a scene that I have never experienced.
After the four days, I think we ended up crossing off over half of our list but there are still things that I didn’t get to do like actually gamble at a table or visit some of the other hotels. But we also stumbled upon other events that I never thought would happen like the VIP pool lounge at Liquid which felt like something out of MTV Spring Break, complete with bikini clad women, dancing to the bumping beats of a DJ. In the end, I wasn’t worried about getting all the items off the list because I figure it just gives me an excuse to come back next year! Well, maybe two years, because I have some serious saving of money to do before I visit next time. Who knows… maybe it can become a regular girls getaway every year… but next time I am hoping that Ms Gretchen could join us (my “twin” who couldn’t come and her birthday is the day before mine) because who knows what other trouble we could get into!
I can’t believe it took me almost two weeks to write this but I think I needed to recover… a lot. Although I had a lot of fun, I think for the next year I will enjoy my chill Denver bars like Prime Bar or Cheeky Monk to hang with friends and save the hard partying for once a year.
Another Year Older
“We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves” – May Lamberton Becker
So much has happened over the past month and I haven’t had a chance to share! Pardon this post but it is going to read a little scattered for trying to get everything in. As previously posted, I have been busy with school. This semester I registered really late for classes and could only take online classes. I had no idea what I was in for! Online classes are MORE time consuming then regular classes, where I am spending somewhere around 20 hours a week on school. I am really struggling but I refuse to fail. Hopefully I will succeed but only time will tell.
Back to the fun stuff! I attended my high school reunion at the end of August and reconnected with my old best friend, Catie. We had known of each other since middle school, but somehow bonded our sophomore year of high school. Whether it was our mutual love for dance or preferring to ditch class for Burger King breakfast, we became inseparable. We did everything together; we could act silly and weird and have conversations through just movements and gestures without saying a word. But as we got older, and started to branch into our own relationships with men, we had a falling out. While it was sad to lose a friend, our friendship had taken its course at that time. With the reunion approaching and not speaking for many years, I reached out prior so as not to have any tension or awkward moments. So to make a LONG story a little shorter, we have picked up where we left off and it’s like we never stopped! I have always loved her and I am glad that we were able to flourish on our own which I believe allowed us to become friends again.
The reason I bring this reconnection up is my birthday is on the horizon, in fact in 3 days. And this year I decided to do something big! I am going to LAS VEGAS! I figured, why not. It has been 3 years since my last vacation (which was technically my engagement trip) and I don’t count my trips between Denver and Chicago to be “relaxing” by any means. I don’t think I have ever done something this big for a birthday before. I invited a ton of people but it will only be 3 of us going. (Random thought: what is up with all the 3’s in this paragraph?) Luisa, Catie and me! This birthday getaway is going to be a lot of firsts. First time to Vegas, first trip with friends, first time gambling, first time….well you get the idea. Maybe I can get some more of my life list checked off?
That’s about it for my quick update as I got to get back to my school work before work tonight (oh I started bartending again to help out a friend, so yes job #1 Monday-Thursday, job #2 Friday-Sunday and school every day!) With this busy schedule, I am so ready for this much deserved break! I promise to post pictures and stories from Vegas because “what happens there” isn’t going to stay there! *smiles* 5 days and counting until I check into the Bellagio! Eeek! So excited!
If you are wondering about the quote on top, I happen to stumble upon it and couldn’t think of any way to describe my life right now. I may not have a partner in life to love, but I have something better; I have fallen in love with my own life. Ever since 2008 after going through cognitive therapy along with all that has happened over the course of these two years; whether it was moving, school, new jobs, new friends and old friends, I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I may make mistakes and fall down but I am at last participating in my life and can pick myself up again. I am not trying to be anyone but me and I love every minute of learning who that person is.
Cheers to another birthday! I embrace thee… and look forward to the others yet to come!
Gone to the Dogs?
Since my previous post about getting a best friend, I have started to wonder if you ever really need that ONE best friend, as you should have multiple friends that fulfill different portions of your life. This leads me to the ultimate friend… a (wo)man’s best friend. Yep! I have been debating whether to get a dog or not.
You see, I have always grown up in a “zoo” of a household. I when I was younger, at our maximum, I think we had three dogs (versions of small, medium and large), one cat, fire belly newts, and maybe I had fish or a frog. I have always imagined a vision of my “family” being similar to the breakfast scene in Cheaper by the Dozen; children running around creating chaos along with animals in the mix. While this might sound disastrous and draining to some, I look forward to a time when I can look around the room and feel lucky to be blessed with the chance to love every minute of it.
So for the past eight years, the maximum amount of pets I had in my house was four. When I lived with Jeremy, I had my two cats (it was buy one get one free at DDFL and they were sisters) and his one cat. We then adopted one kitten together, Bina Vita, to even out the teams. When we split, we each took our “set” of cats and went our separate ways. Before he got married, I remember being asked if I wanted the cats, as his future wife was allergic. The truth? I really wanted to take Bina Vita back so badly. She was my precious baby, my first kitten, who after being with our family for less than a week caused an epidemic of ear mites within the house. When I picked her up to bring home, she kept wondering around the car, under and over seats (while I was driving mind you) unless she finally came to rest, curled upon my shoulder and feel asleep until arriving at home. I know it seems cruel not to take them, but I just couldn’t imagine an apartment filled with four cats and one adult woman… that makes me just 8 cats short of becoming the cat lady and about 30 years too soon!
Note the difference
So a dog… the more I think about it, I don’t think I am ready for a dog. It sounds kind of weird to say that out loud. I am ready for a relationship but not ready to commit to a dog? I want a dog; I love dogs, but the thought of having to having to be home at a certain time every day, walking it every day (since I don’t have a yard) just sounds… restrictive. This means no impromptu meetings with friends, like happy hour after work or random weekend getaway trips. It may be selfish, but I don’t need a pet stifling my social life when this should be a time that I should be out and about! For now I will stick with my low maintenance girls (cats) and maybe I will think about it again next year… perhaps when I have a man in my life to help care for it. *grins
My first dog Max
UPDATE :
It doesn’t help that Denver Dumb Friends League for the month of September is giving cats away for free! Yes FREE!!! This includes spay/neuter surgery, initial vaccinations, microchip ID implant and registration, a 15-day healthcare program and a free office visit with a participating veterinarian! I am just going to have to make sure I don’t stop by and accidentally get another little kitten. I guess I just have to remind myself of the cat photo above.
Single… and Looking For a Friend
So you are probably wondering. Is this a duplicate post? Nope… just realized that The Man and I work better as friends then as a couple. Don’t worry, I’m not upset. Within the same week I also found out my ex fiancé got married. I knew both were coming. Actually, it was funny that after I learned about my ex, I also forgot about it in less than an hour, until someone called to ask me how I was doing with the news. I am happy that he found someone as he is a great guy that deserves it. Same goes for The Man. Our relationship had been drifting apart for a couple weeks so I was planning on having “the talk” anyway. Turns out so was he. It was comical, we got together last night and after pouring me a margarita, he says the words “so, we gotta talk” and the first thing that I do is laugh, get a big grin on my face and say, “Sure, go ahead”. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling since he was thinking the same thing that I was! He just is always the first one to get to the point!
When we tried our relationship again, it was absolute bliss for a few weeks, than we fell back into the same routine. We both were adjusting, not changing, but more like compromising ourselves to accommodate each other. And at some point you want to stop because it gets so tiring, you start to feel like you are going crazy and want nothing more than to feel like yourself! There was nothing bad about our relationship; it just was kind of there, floating along…more like a friendship. So we tried and it didn’t work.
I am thankful he came into my life and is still there. He got me interested in things like sports, country music and reading again. He also was able to open my eyes to view the world in a different way. I enjoyed that I was able to teach him things like expanding his pallet even though I don’t think he found eating as pleasurable as I do!
Since he is still my friend, it’s not like I won’t ever see him again. What I will miss (as selfish as it sounds) is the permanent date. Might have been one of the reasons we didn’t break up sooner. Knowing that I had a something to do with someone every Saturday will be missed. I hate the fact that I don’t have a guaranteed companion to explore and experience new things while still being able to enjoy the company. If I could, I would place an ad for a best friend and it would read something like this: SWF looking for female to be platonic friends. Must like company & enjoy fun activities besides getting buzzed at a bar. Willing to accompany me on vacations & dinner outings. Pleasurable conversation a must! I will let you know how that goes but I think I am better off waiting for the friend store to open so I can buy one!
Now I have to go off on my own again, being a single girl. Why is that such a scary thing? Why is being alone so bad? IT ISN’T but it is always nice to have someone to be with. Maybe I might sign up for SINGLES IN THE 303…maybe… but for right now, I think I will go back to being myself. This means going out to dinner alone, volunteering, getting back to ballet & tap classes and spending time with all of my coupled girlfriends when they have the time. Plus school starts up in a couple weeks so my hours not spent at work will be filled with hours of completing homework and studying. Perhaps I could put together a core group of girlfriends, something that I never have had as they always seem to be males, and go from there. I am also due for a vacation as I believe my last official one was my engagement trip. I have been itch’n to go somewhere, it just doesn’t help that all the deals seem to be for Vegas, a place I have never been however, always a place to go with your closest friends…never by yourself. Maybe I will hit up a beach in Florida or California on my own first then save Las Vegas for my birthday in October. In the mean time, I am going to finish unpacking my box of toiletries and such that once lived under The Man’s sink and get on with the rest of my day… and life.
