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Life

One of the cool kids

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I feel like one of the cool kids and for a few reasons! If you haven’t noticed, I have a new blog design that I absolutely love! Big thanks to Jenn at Munchkin Land Designs ! Jenn managed to capture everything that I could possibly want in a new blog design and only going off of a few colors and ideas! (I asked for a feeling of Audrey Hepburn with a touch of Lucille Ball lol) Now I finally feel like a real blogger and while I am still trying to find my niche, I think this is the perfect stepping stone.

As you can see, I am in the middle of changing my blog name to “My Life In Between ~ balancing life somewhere between my head and my heart.” I came up with this as it is the only way that I could describe where I am in life right now (more of that to come in a future post). Maybe it’s because I’m a libra, maybe it’s my 30th birthday around the corner or maybe it’s because I have always balanced my logical side with my feelings when making decisions and life choices. I have fallen in love with my newest saying, ‘balancing life somewhere between my head and my heart’ so much in fact that I had it engraved on my new iPad!

Speaking of my iPad, I am enjoying everything about my new tech toy. I never had “the best thing on the market” and for once I have it (for the next month at least haha)! I had fun on Easter Sunday with my family swapping tricks and iPad apps that each of us have found useful (my brother, sister & mother all got one of the ‘new’ iPads). I think my biggest problem with this new gadget is going to be keeping it charged as I have been using it for everything lately and have only turned on my laptop twice in the past two weeks (even used type this post). For every Apple product user out there, I found this comic below and couldn’t help but share as I heard this is what others have experienced in the past (the iPad is my first Apple product purchase ever so I don’t anticipate this effect any time soon)

So what do you think of my new blog design? Contact Jenn and get your own here (check out the gallery for recently created custom designs) or if your in a rush, grab one of her pre-made designs. Have you purchased a new iPad recently? What do you like about it? Any apps that you want to share? I would love to hear from you!

The Oatmeal

Endo: My Story

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month!

Endometriosis (Endo) affects at least 6.3 million women and girls in the U.S. but didn’t start being diagnosed until the 1980s, which is why it is important to get the word out there on this disease.

On my journey to find bloggers I could connect with, I found many writing about their Endo but I also found an ongoing theme. They were usually married and trying to have children which is how they found out about their disease, but what I disliked most – their stories weren’t ones of encouragement but instead whiny pity parties and “poor me” attitudes yet the minute that they got pregnant, they abandoned their blogs.

My situation is a little different and for those of you who have been following for the past five years, you have only been given a glimpse inside. So if you want to hear my story, continue reading below but before we start, just so you have an idea of what I’m talking about, here is a detailed description from the Endometriosis Association

Endometriosis occurs when tissue like that which lines the uterus (tissue called the endometrium) is found outside the uterus — usually in the abdomen on the ovaries, fallopian tubes, and ligaments that support the uterus; the area between the vagina and rectum; the outer surface of the uterus; and the lining of the pelvic cavity. Other sites for these endometrial growths may include the bladder, bowel, vagina, cervix, vulva, and in abdominal surgical scars. Less commonly they are found in the lung, arm, thigh, and other locations.

This misplaced tissue develops into growths or lesions which respond to the menstrual cycle in the same way that the tissue of the uterine lining does: each month the tissue builds up, breaks down, and sheds. Menstrual blood flows from the uterus and out of the body through the vagina, but the blood and tissue shed from endometrial growths has no way of leaving the body. This results in internal bleeding, breakdown of the blood and tissue from the lesions, and inflammation — and can cause pain, infertility, scar tissue formation, adhesions, and bowel problems.

I guess you can say I am lucky. My mother was diagnosed with Endometriosis before I was born so I had someone close to me who had experienced it firsthand; the symptoms, the pain and the hormone changes that seemed to throw your entire body out of whack. My first period came at 11 years old but unlike my classmates, I couldn’t wear just a pad, mine was so heavy that I had to wear a tampon and pad just to get through the 1.5hr classes and would sit in fear through classes hoping for no accidents.

As the years passed the pain that came each month started to get worse and worse. My favorite item became a hot pad made from an old pair of sweats cut into shorts, filled with rice and sown shut. It fit my abdomen and the weight plus the heat was the perfect combination. I can still remember my first trip to the ER for the pain. I was 16, curled up into a ball lying on a bench made up of two chairs at work, waiting for my father to pick me up. When first arriving, the doctors believed that my ovary had become twisted but after multiple tests and ultrasounds, they found nothing and believed it was caused by my ovary releasing an egg. A tiny microscopic egg that caused me to go to the emergency room was just the beginning.

My diagnosis didn’t come until 4 years later when I was tired of the pain. The problem was there was no way to diagnose Endo without cutting you open. So a few months before my 21st birthday, I scheduled my laparoscopy with the hope of getting some answers. To break it down, they poke a hole through your belly button and another above your pelvic bone and inflate your abdominal cavity with gas. I still have photos from the surgery, when they made a third hole over my ovary, hanging on my refrigerator. It was nice to finally have an answer to what was causing all the trouble. They had found endometrium (tissue normally found on the inside wall of the uterus) on my right ovary and fallopian tubes. What soon followed was 9 months of the Lupron Depot shot (a controversial supplemental hormone) that caused me to go through menopause in order to break down the rest of the tissue living on the outside of my uterus.

I did another round of Lupron Depot about 7 years after the diagnosis when the pain got too intense. My doctor and I monitor my body and issues that arise. Like the time that I had my period for 6 months strait. Yes, you heard me correctly. Along with the normal issues, my Endo causes problems like hormone influxes. Besides using menopause as a way to control the tissue growth, I also take birth control pills continuously and use the sugar pills just a few times a year. So I went from having 4 periods a year to half a year of misery. There have also been two different cancer scares after age 25, as women with Endo are at an elevated risk of certain cancers but I will stop myself here before I start to get into the other no-so-pretty details.

But don’t think my life is always doom and gloom. My mother had two beautiful children and in the future, I will try and do the same. I have taken many precautionary measures to increase my chances of pregnancy (35% of Endo woman are infertile). Please don’t feel bad for me as there are women who have it worse. They were afraid to speak up and only when they try to have children find out that a hysterectomy is all they get. There is no cure for Endo, not even pregnancy or removal of all my reproductive organs will stop it as they still don’t know how it is caused. All I ask is that if you have experienced some of the symptoms please make sure to talk to your doctor, there is no need to suffer in silence; you are not alone.

Endo is simply a small hurdle that I must overcome every once and awhile. Know that I am not the disease – I am just a woman with Endometriosis who wanted to give you a brief inside look at my personal battle with my own body. I have Endometriosis, I live with my disease every day but it will never run my life.

Links to Endo:
Endometriosis Association
Endometriosis Research Center

My Erratic October

…Because that is the only way to describe it. I have been trying to do posts along the way but it has been one thing after another and finally I feel like I can come up for air. I thought a list would be the best way to go because well, that is pretty much how my month went. The saddest part – I actually had to check my calendar to remember some of these items.

o Started off the month with Gino Velardi’s fashion show (OK-1 day before October) but what a blast, his new line as absolutely stunning that if I had the money and a place to wear it I would purchase 80% of it! Besides promising him that I would finally walk in his next show, I was also asked to model for a new Denver magazine, DeVelo!

o Birthday came and went with a blur. Wednesday started off with a beautiful sunrise, my midterm finished, work and then 2.5 hours of school

o Birthday weekend started off with moving day filled with pouring rain that took longer than I hoped but finished with enough time to unpack most of it. I have even started decorating more than the last apartment; my favorite piece is the chandelier wall décor above my bed

o That Sunday my friend Luisa treated me to a candy bouquet and dinner at Ale House at Amatos. Worst service ever but after writing a letter to management, we are willing to go back and try with the $100 gift card they sent me

o Celebrated a belated birthday with Michael up in Estes Park. We rode horses in the morning, which wasn’t as fun as I thought it was going to be (slowest.trail.ride.ever) but I am glad we did it. I was just happy to be in the mountains as I hadn’t really had the chance to that summer

o School has been keeping me busy. I realized that I am not doing as well as I thought but now is the time to move it up a notch. I even spent 2 hours in the library just trying to figure out a topic for my 5 page comparison paper. (I decided on comparing the difference between Jewish and Hindu marriage ceremonies and traditions)

o Spent time with my bar family at Salty Rita’s watching them carve pumpkins. I should have jumped in but I wasn’t dressed for it and was too exhausted from work and school to operate a knife after having a glass of wine

o I absolutely love my new car! While the big 4-valve V8 engine has increased the charge at the gas pump, I still have no regrets. From the simplest of things like being able to roll down my window to the luxuries like the most amazing seat warmers ever. I honestly love those butt warmers so much that I am worried that I will have to replace them in the next few years

o We had our first dump of snow in the city. 4-6 inches by my house. It seems to be a tradition in Denver that it has to snow around Halloween. Poor trees took a beating from the heavy wet snow but more so in Northern Colorado. It is a beautiful site but by Sunday there will be very little evidence that it ever snowed at all. In fact, 2 days later my lawn is already 20% green grass!

o This weekend is Halloween weekend and instead of playing dress up and hitting the town, I will be spending my time finishing my apartment and writing my paper that requires more reading material then my brain is capable of handling

I have a new personal project that started brewing last weekend and while I can’t talk about it now, I will be an open book when I get some more answers but that will many weeks and maybe months. Also thinking my blog is due for a big makeover – something with a more personal touch….and I know just where to go! If you are in the mood for a blog change and haven’t checked out Munchkinland Designs yet, you are missing out! She does an amazing work and luckily for me she now offers options for WordPress users. That’s about it for this month but next month I am going to attempt a blog challenge as I have never participated in one and thinking now is the time. Anybody have any ideas? If so, let me know!

School Days

Things I learned from my first two days back at school

• week days are 50 times more busy than Fridays (where did all these kids come from?)

• parking and traffic are super stinky on and near campus

• today was the last time I drive to school ($5.50 to park for 3 hours!)

• curious how light rail is going to work into my schedule

• nighttime classes are much longer than I remember, especially with a full day at the office first

• school supply shopping loses its magic when you have to go to 3 different stores to get everything
(seriously, is there a shortage on Vis-à-vis wet erase markers?!)

• my ADD is going to be the death of me during Wednesday classes (focus focus focus… wait, what?)

• and my Thursday class is right up my alley (we even have a speaker coming in that just might end up being my idol!)

• overall I am ready, terrified and excited for that has yet to come this semester! Information sponge – here I come!

50% frustration 50% disappointment

I am not going to lie; there are a few reasons why I haven’t blogged in over a month, but one in particular. My last post (here) I poured my heart, soul and dreams onto the page yet only got 2 responses – one actual comment on the post the other a text by a friend; Two… two responses. While I have always said that I will write for myself, it does sting a little when the webpage got over 270+ hits but only one person (my best friend) left a comment. It makes you feel like people care enough to click, yet not enough to encourage or support you. I couldn’t even rock the boat enough to get upset get angry comments! It hurts. Especially when I get such an amazing positive response to anyone I talk to in person regarding my future goals – yet when I post it for the world to see… I am left with the sound of crickets.

I know that the majority of my problem is that I don’t interact with a lot of people online, but mainly due to the fact that I didn’t have time between two jobs and school. I want to work on this but it still leads me to the question – where do I fit in?

Where do I fit in?

Blogger – I don’t have a family or kids to talk about. I don’t have a husband for fun eventful weekends. I’m single but not the adventurous dating type so I can’t gallivant around town with a new date every day of the week and post all about it. Plus when I do date, I tend not to post about the person out of respect of privacy. I don’t have a hobby that I can offer daily tips at or a common interest that gets me communicating with others and it’s not like I can blog about what I want to teach. So …where do I fit in?

Out on the social scene – I am single amongst a mass amount of coupled friends. The perpetual “3rd wheel” (or 5th or 7th in some cases). I don’t have a solo buddy to call if I want to go out spur of the moment; I usually have to wait for them to check with their partner. Or when I do ask my few single friends, most of them are bar folk and working on the weekends when I have time to play.

Where do I go from here?
Good question. When I started writing this post a while back (it started out too negative to post), I wasn’t able to answer that question, but after some recent events (ok,ok – a few dates with some male companions) I am somehow inspired to write. It’s like I got my spunk back! I was amazed at how ideas and thoughts came flooding in. So much in fact I have been actually thinking about taking the challenge posted on YourTango for going on 10 dates within the month. It’s a shame that I don’t have a line standing outside my door (a girl can dream, right?) as I can tell you that it is hard enough to get just one date with a man – so 10 seems like the holy grail in the dating world. Maybe if I was on an internet site I could rack ‘em up? But don’t hold your breath waiting for posts one through ten, I tend to date one at a time until either one of us loses interest or both and we move on. Only time will tell.

But one thing I do know, I won’t stop writing …for now. I will keep going even if it I have one reader – myself.

My Dream Job

Logo from Bull and Bush Pub and Brewery

Typical me… I told myself I wouldn’t think about work this vacation weekend since it has been so chaotic, but here I am on my computer on a Saturday morning when I should be sleeping in.

I met up with my good friend Erin, who lives here in Illinois. We became friends while working in the same restaurant and our love for helping people brought us even closer. While chit chatting about her job and how happy she is working as a social worker for the same school two years in a row, she proceeded to ask me what I wanted to do.

I always found those that get asked only question and can continue to spew for the next 30 minutes are passionate about that subject and with Erin’s question – I did exactly that! This is the summer where I am going to plan out my entire future of my career because I am tired of slowly going to school making me feel like my journey to the finish line is getting longer and longer. I want to see results NOW! While I continue to research to figure out my schooling plan, I thought I would share what I want to do since most people don’t know the actual details.

My dream job consists of sex education with a side of therapy.

Where it starts: I want to start young, teaching children about how their bodies are going to grow before they start feeling ashamed of their bodies and “no-no parts”. We aren’t talking sex at this age, just puberty and getting them familiar with their body before it starts to change. Making puberty something to look forward to – a celebratory act not something to fear and be ashamed of. My feeling is we as a society wait until we are too old to start talking about puberty and the changes that come with it. In this current age, children’s bodies are developing much earlier than they used to (think 9 & 10 years of age, not 16 &17) while their brains have not. Why not talk about wet dreams and breasts growing LONG before they actually do, so they are aware and no longer fearful.

Then there is the after puberty, before sex age. Were we talk about our bodies, learning how parts work and basically feeling comfortable all around. We would also work on respecting our bodies and respecting other people’s bodies, teaching about the STD/STI’s and how to prevent them. Teens are going to have sex – it’s inevitable. But if you can give them all the details beforehand and not make it a scary or bashful thing to talk about, they might think twice before doing it. The biggest problem with teens is, they don’t know much and most of the information they have learned was from another friend that didn’t know anything either. So they learn by experimenting – a.k.a. trial and error though sex. If we teach them everything there is to know about sex – the good and the bad, giving them the tools in order to make a more conscious decision, I think we can make a teen think before casually losing their virginity and possibly abstain from sex all together, if not – at least put a condom on.

This teaching will either come in the form of coming into schools as contract labor or by holding classes at a community center or standard location. I would also like to do a class for adults or parents to learn how to talk to their children about puberty or sex education on their own. How many times have you seen the stereotypical scene where the parents are absolutely terrified to talk about puberty or safe sex with their own child? If a grown adult is too afraid to talk to their children about these things, then how can we expect their children to be able to?

Then there is the therapy side. I figured that I wouldn’t be able to make a living off just the classes alone, so I would also work with adults with sex therapy on the side. This will mainly consist of couples that are having intimacy issues but it could be a wide range of things. Obviously that requires a Masters that will take me many years to accomplish.

I am hoping to get a certificate or something along those lines to be able to start my program sooner than later but time will only tell. After just two years of schooling, I am ready to get my theories out in the real world to find out if I’m correct and just the only one with guts to start so young. I understand with today’s society that we are more open to change – except when it comes to sex. We don’t talk about it, even with our own partner. It is considered taboo. But why are we ashamed of our own bodies?

I hope that I can get started sooner than later. Going back to my conversation with Erin, she told me story about one of her kids that I won’t repeat here because I am not sure what I can and can’t say, but the conversation reminds me of a quote from Kindergarten Cop “boys have penises, girls have vaginas”. While we all thought it was cute, we don’t realize how much we blush when we hear it. I want to put the kibosh on all those fears – where you can say penis in a restaurant just as easily as you say nose or mouth. I believe in time (LOTS of time and open minds) it can be done. A place where we feel comfortable with our bodies and no longer ashamed, no matter what religion is practiced or how old the child is. Knowledge is power so let’s start using it to our advantage instead of being afraid of it.

It’s All About Me!

Oh my word… how things have changed in the past few weeks since my hair cut, but so many to list and most not appropriate here. School is over so now I officially have one day off a week! Don’t forget – I work 40 hours Monday through Thursday and then work job number 2 on Saturday and Sunday. Friday is now my FREE DAY!

I have spent so much time over the past 5 months “being busy” that I am finally taking time out for…me. Call me selfish but the changes have already started and I’m enjoying every minute of it!

Where do I begin?

Things I have started doing

  • Growing plants – planted my first Paper White bulbs which have grown but yet to bloom
  • New pets – since I can’t commit to a dog, I have decided to grow my own Sea-Monkeys!
    • I have about 30 right now but am looking to transfer into a “grownup” container
  • With the design of the new artistic Sea-Monkey habitat, I had to by some lanyard and have found myself getting back to making lanyards – it helps keep my stress level down at work
  • Forcing myself to leave work #1 no later than 15 minutes after my shift
  • Get out an walk on the Dam after work near my house before the sun goes down – 2.5 miles
  • Going to a therapist (which I think he still wonders why I am going) mostly to not talk my friends/family’s ears off over and over

Things I want to start doing

  • Start getting healthy – I have been slacking in the nutrition and exercise department
  • Read a book – my therapist suggested one that sounds pretty interesting
  • Write, write, write! – I don’t blog enough and want to start writing some article type posts
  • Learn how to knit – I bought a “learn how” kit when I was at Michael’s so starting this weekend
  • Find a church that I feel I belong to – a real community I can be a part of
  • Get out and enjoy my summer in Denver!
  • Much time in the park
    • Buying a bocce ball set
    • Basketball (at Lowry Park if anyone wants to play)
    • Grilling (thinking of buying a portable grill for my balcony & the park)
    • Cooking and baking – I stopped doing this and need to get back. I miss taking the time to experiment with new dishes.

    That’s about all I can think of for now – I just need to make sure that I don’t get over whelmed with trying to fit too much in and give up on all of it!

    As soon as I move my Sea-Monkeys, I will post some pictures (they are still too small right now) but I thought I would leave you with the recent photo taken from my night walk up on the Westerly Creek Dam.

    This night was so perfect… my music – the sounds of nature – water, sparrows, geese, frogs and coyotes

September/School Update

Hey everyone! I just wanted to apologize for not posting recently. I have been face first in school books because I’ve been so far behind. Hopefully will have a few posts this weekend after I have caught up! School comes first!

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Busy-busy-busy

Oh my, has time passed me by…I can’t believe how the last three weeks have flown by! (In fact it took me two days to finally get this posted!)

Two weeks ago I was up in Aspen for the 2010 Winter XGames. I had such a blast hanging out with my friends and enjoyed reuniting with an old high school friend.  Rachel was AMAZING! Love that girl! She lives up in Aspen and works at a sushi house. Boy did she take care of me and my friends. It wasn’t just her great hospitality; it was seeing her after 10 years and being able to pick up where we last left off and seeing how far we have come. Her company was truly a joy!  To add to the mix I had another high school friend that showed up randomly, but what was even more random was that he lives in California and I have run into him on more occasions in the past year since he moved out to CA than in the 10 years since graduation. There is something that feels so comfortable about being able to just pop back into a conversation and it being so comfortable, that is hard to find. I was only up there for one night, but it was so worth it! I got to meet Sean White (snowboarder), hang with some old friends, and dance my butt off (with the help of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones & an awesome DJ) with some of my very good friends.

What else has happened in the past few weeks? School is gong really well! I don’t think I could have better classes than I do right now, especially with them all coordinating perfectly with each other. I am taking Psychology 102, Sociology, and Human Sexuality.  The three classes combined are really helping me find out what I would like to do in the long run whether it is psychology, sex education or sex therapy.  I am only in the first month but I think that I will be a little sad once these classes are over.

Work is steady, can’t really complain there except for the lack of money but baseball season is just around the corner so things should be changing soon. I still debate whether to stay in the F&B business or if I should get back into the admin side. I think that is something I will have to face after the summer, I know that the money would be better in an office position but would my brain be able to handle both a desk job and school at the same time?

I think the only thing that isn’t going well is my friendship with some people. Since time has been passing me by so quickly I have been struggling with finding time to get together with them. Our schedules never seem to match up properly.  I wish I could spend more time with them or find a way to actually get together, it’s a nice thought but unfortunately, I think it will be remaining as just that….a thought…

The simple things in life

How can the tiniest things bring such a smile to your face? I have two tiny things that make me smile….clean sheets and new underwear. I love the smell of fresh clean sheets, still slightly warm from the dryer. Whether they are basic fleece or 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sateen sheet, you can’t beat the feeling you get sliding into them, surrounded by comfort and calmness; the smell and feel easing any tension you once had. The thought of this experience is turning up the corners of my mouth now while talking about it.

My other “makes me smile” item is new underwear. I would first like to say, I wear underwear, repeat after me, UN-DER-WEAR, not panties. Just because I am a female doesn’t mean the articles of clothing that I wear underneath become something different than males. When I was a child, and my mother and I would visit my aunt and cousins in Illinois, we always made a point to visit one of the Jockey outlets together. I still remember the matching underwear my cousin Renae and I bought together when we were maybe about 7yrs old. White cotton underwear with blue and green fishes on them, Renae got the purple and blue! It has remained a silent tradition, whenever we fly in, we somehow end up at an underwear store digging though the big deep plastic bins, searching through hundreds of pairs, trying to find the prettiest ones and in the right size and yes, even though we are older we still sometimes end up with matching pairs of underwear!

I am sure you think it is silly to talk about underwear as this magical thing that can transform your attitude, but it really can change your day. I have underwear for many different days (and no, not the kind with the day printed on them) but more different types of days. I have a pair that makes me unbelievably confident – lacey yet comfortable with a sexy edge, that I wear for job interviews or first dates. In the middle of the road, the basic functional and comfortable underwear – usually lighter in color, maybe pastel made of soft cotton. Last, for your funky days there are the fun patterns and bright colors – lady bugs, cherries or leopard print with lime green trim. These make you giggle and smile while putting them on and keep you smiling during every bathroom break.  Isn’t it worth the price for something so simple? All it takes is 10 minutes and $2 to invest and you get to walk away with the reward of a smile on your face, lasting as long as the life of the fabric.

So whether you are reconsidering your delicates drawer or are transferring your sheets from the washer to the dryer, I hope you can learn to take joy in the simple pleasures in life.  They are out there, it is just a matter of taking a moment to notice and enjoy them. Keep on smiling!