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pancake fun!
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If only...
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Between Merida and Cancun, Mexico
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Salmon BLT Sliders with Chipotle Mayo by howsweeteats #Salmon #Bacon #Chipotle #Sliders #howsweeteats
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Lamb Sliders with Tzatziki by fotocuisine #Lamb #Sliders #fotocuisine
Is Chivalry Still Alive or Did Independent Women Kill It?
With the recent announcement of Prince William getting engaged you can’t help but think of proper etiquette and boys acting like gentlemen.
I used to be one of those dominate women who refused to let a man do anything for them. I would pay for meals and hold doors open and it is no wonder why I would date the more feminine man and would complain that they wouldn’t do anything. I was raised to believe that men and women are equal, and just because I was a woman, it shouldn’t stop me from doing anything. At some point I took that to the extreme and then would make it my goal to beat men at anything. Whether it was making a better meal, to playing video games to lifting a multitude of heavy boxes (and putting my body at risk) I would try to win. And for the most part, I would…
It wasn’t until I dated Tim that I realize that it is ok to be a strong female but I could still be feminine. He (along with therapy) taught me that I didn’t always have to be the hero; that it was ok to ask for help. It was ok for me to not have to try so hard, that I could just stop and be me. A woman. While he is still a good friend, oh how I miss dating him. He was polite and considerate. My favorite act of gentlemanship when we went out? He always opened my car door. No matter where we were, he would always open up my side first and let me in before getting in on his side. When he first started doing it, I thought it was foolish and unnecessary but then I realize that this was what a true gentleman was, a man who thought about woman first (also not caring what I thought). He chose his battles with me, like letting me order my meal after he did or not pulling out my chair unless it was an occasion really called for it. He wasn’t intimidated by my ability to fix things or being hit on in his company. He did a great fantastic job of showing me a different side of men, that it was ok to be a strong independent woman who knows when to ask for help and allowing a man to solve the problem.
There definitely has been some gender swapping over the years like women being the money maker and men staying at home with the kids. Women can be independent, beautiful and soft at the same time and same goes for men being stable, rugged yet also very loving. I think that chivalry is still here, men just don’t want to have their head bitten off when they try and do something nice. So ladies, keep this in mind; if you want a gentleman in your life then follow the golden rule “treat others as one would like others to treat oneself”. Start acting like a lady and being gracious for things and don’t balk when a man tries to do something kind without expecting anything in return and men, don’t be afraid to step it up a bit. This doesn’t mean bowing down to a woman but instead being courteous and polite. I promise the effort will be worth it in the end…
A Man’s Relationship with PDA
What?! I am stunned, flabbergasted and would still be in slight disbelief if it wasn’t for it being true. How could I have possibly gone through my entire dating life and not known that most men do not like Public Displays of Affection?
It is definitely an interesting realization. If you remember, The Man and I were having problems in the beginning of our relationship because I was SO affectionate however he was not. This was a first for me… every guy before was always touchy feely; wanting to hold hands, kisses while out to dinner and such. The stereotypical puppy dog love, what is normally pictured in cartoon with bugged out eyes and floating hearts; or the type of people that whisper about to closest person to you, “those two should get a room”, as the couple sits cozy on dim light couch at Jet Lounge, ignoring everyone and the world around them.
I have to say I was shocked to find this out. I knew The Man had his reasons behind why he was not a fan of PDA, but then I started asking male co-workers and friends how they felt and the same answer came up time and time again … they are just not a fan of it!
So if most men don’t like doing it, why do they? I have come down to three main reasons on why a man would be affectionate in public: because they want to, because the girl wants it, and because they are marking their territory.
Now, since I know more about the women side, I will address those as well. I believe that women are similar to men. They like it to “feel” loved, to show the public that they are taken – as sexist as it sounds, and because they just want to.
Ok, back to the men… I found this article on AskMen.com so maybe this is one of the reasons why men are so against it. Ha ha… According to the article they’ve “broken down some of the most common PDA attacks and their proper place in your relationship”. For right now we will disregard the fact that they refer to a woman showing her love for her man as “PDA attacks” and get to the good points that they do make.
To summarize what the article states, there are two acceptable forms of PDA: hand-holding and kissing (within limits). Space invasion and butt smacks are acceptable but tacky and not advised. Declarations of love, pet names, babying are completely unacceptable. I know I tend to take the guys point of view on some of these things, but unfortunately I will have to do it again and agree. I think for the most part it depends on the location or situation. One of the points that they talk about is space invasion. This is where the “claiming territory” comes in. After reading the paragraph, I believe that the constant touching in public with previous males was because we were younger.
Now looking at it from another angle, I think the peck kiss is like a marking of the territory or putting on a show for others to let them know that you care about the person you are with but with no real benefit to either party. One of my biggest rules has always been, if you are going to kiss me, I want you to KISS me! Kiss me like you MEAN it. What is the point of a small peck good bye; you might as well just hug or wave and say “see ya”!
Since learning of this new profound information I have adjusted to reflect it. I refuse to become more stiff and cold, but I have gotten better about being more conscious of when I start to make The Man feel uncomfortable in public. I have since calmed myself down on all “unnecessary” PDA like silly peck kisses after making fun of him or before getting up to go to the bathroom. But I refuse to give up the small gesture of touching his thigh when he makes me laugh or giving a kiss when smiling doesn’t seem to be enough.
So I guess in the end I want to give some advice to the ladies out there. Pay attention to the way that your man feels when you are out in public and getting all touchy feely. Look at their expressions, their reactions… heck, maybe even ask them how they feel about it. You might be surprised with the answer. Yes, if you are in your teens or early 20’s it might be a little different, but those of you that are beyond the infatuation stage, just might come to the same conclusion as me. No matter what the case, just keep everything in check, make sure that you and your partner feel comfortable in your own skin and are respecting each other’s own comfort zone as well.
PDA Cartoons
Bet you can’t guess what I am working on?! *smiles
I am a little occupied this week as The Man is out of town, so I am spending my free time with family (a girls sleep over with my niece and sister) but to tide you over to next week, I thought I would share some fun cartoons that I found. I have a post about PDA coming…
When should we, ya know, do it?
Really? We have to ask this question? Come on ladies, it is 2010! Get with the program…geesh…
So I was sitting at the bar at Purple Martini with a friend, and happen to over hear some girls talking about how trashy a girl is for sleeping with a man on the first date but the third date is ok (because it is part of the “rules”). My first reaction is…. who the heck cares?! As long as you are happy, why should you feel the need to follow the rules or suggestions laid out by some stranger? Everyone is different and just because you (and your relationship) didn’t follow the “normal” path, doesn’t mean that you are doomed for life.
I think when it comes down to it all you need to understand is the consequences about having sex; whether you choose to have it on the first date or third year into the relationship after marriage! We all know that having sex later in the relationship is better. You have had more of a chance to create a bond with trust and honesty in the relationship between the two people. So, when did the “third date” rule come into play? Seriously! Third date! I don’t think I knew anyone that well after three times of getting together. Heck, I’ve been out on three dates and still never kissed the guy. I don’t know about you, but I can date a person for years and still continue to learn things about them.
Another factor is age and where you are in life. If you are under the age of 18 and haven’t graduated high school yet, you are less likely to hop into the sack like a 40 year old divorcee might.
Before I start, I understand there is every “exception” to the rule. That yes, sometimes things work out differently, but for the most part
The Scene: If you are bedroom bound after the first night or few interactions (4-5 dates), don’t expect to get much further than that. Why would anyone need to continually take you out to talk and “get to know you” because by doing the mattress mambo so soon, you have just said to your partner that you don’t care to get to know them. No respect for either one of you, that it is just lust at first sight and “get’n some”
Consequences to Expect: Nothing really pretty. STD/STI, lack of orgasm, no steady contact with the possibility of no future contact, no emotional involvement and the list can continue on and on, but do I really need to continue? Most of it is because there has been no conversation between the two people, explaining what each other likes, if they are sleeping with anyone else… you get the gist. It isn’t really warm and inviting, but sometimes those things sound good to people, right? Maybe it might be what you need at the time.
The Scene: Within the first 3 months, you’ve gone out on hopefully 12+ dates and have started to feel comfortable around each other. You have learned what you like in the person and that even though seeing some faults, you can look past those to get to know that person even better. You might have met a friend or two of theirs along the way but for the most part you are still living individual lives.
Consequences: still has similar consequences to the first one but it is possible to start having the pro’s and con’s weighing about the same. You may have communicated with each other about having safe sex and started mentioning the things that you like in bed. You might have also started to have satisfying sex due to the communication and bond that has formed between you and your partner, thus resulting in fun sex, orgasms or more than one night a week in the hay.
I kind of feel there is no point to continue after that as I have found that most people either break up after that mark or if they continue on in their relationship, they are working on it constantly meaning communication between each other. Whether you decide to give it up to the first guy or wait for a lifetime, make sure you do what is right for you. Not anyone else. It doesn’t matter what the rules are or what your friends do, trust your gut and your heart. Listen to what you really believe in and go with it! Just make sure to be safe along the way! (No, seriously, condoms are cheap, use one!)
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I leave you with this. I found this on a random website and kind of liked it. In response to “how long should I wait”
“For as long as it takes. We’re not asking you to abstain until you’re 65-1/2, but an acquaintance is not a friend. If you hardly know each other and don’t have the scorecards on each other’s quirks, then skip the bedroom for now and go out and play out in the field. The saying about giving up your virginity to the one you love is outdated advice and is sure to provoke “are you crazy?” comments, but don’t go the other extreme either by giving your virginity to someone you just met a few hours ago. Don’t be cheap with yourself! You’re worth a lot more than a couple of beers and a drizzle of flattering remarks. When a guy overdoses on compliments and says the right things to bait you, play smart and don’t bite. Get to know him, warts and all…before tearing down the barriers.
Whether you’re a teenager or a young adult, play the waiting game. Patience has its virtues…and its rewards. You can date all you want – it’s a real smorgasbord out there, but you can’t have sex with each one you date.”
A Moment of Clarity
Did you ever have a moment when your eyes are finally opened for the first time and you see the world in an entirely different way? For some people it is a life threatening experience, for others it is the lost of a loved one or an event that forces them to change everything in their world. For me, my moment was at 25, right after I called off the wedding and went to therapy. I became an outgoing person wanting to see and experience life, like I was given this second chance to do something with my life. I couldn’t believe that this world was here all along and I wasn’t participating in it.
My friend Gretchen (a.k.a. Grea – My Twin) just had that moment as well… she has recently experienced this clarity in life and I couldn’t be happier for her. It has given her the ability to see different possibilities for herself. Similar to the feeling that a proud parent has of a child, I am so happy that she is lucky enough to have this moment, where others go a life time without ever getting that chance. This is an experience that I hope everyone has, that they awaken out of the rut and start living their life to the fullest. I can’t wait to hear her stories of adventure; what new paths that she may stumble upon while walking down this new road and the people she meets along the way.
I guess the reason I bring this up is I miss having that feeling. I miss that wide-eyed innocent doe feeling that gave me strength and the power to do anything. My mind has been out of kilter lately. I have had a rough two weeks (for multiple reasons) and had a craving for friends to talk to. My friends have been busy with work, out of town or just unavailable. I have had this feeling of longing to be with them, just to talk or share their company. I didn’t really get that chance to get together and the consequences proved themselves today when the ugly side of me came out.
The Man and I went to Breckenridge for the Fourth of July (the picture above taken from the drive up there). You see, I have had a craving for the mountains. To be outdoors, be one with nature, to be able to sit back and enjoy its wonderful beauty. It all makes sense now…I was looking for the healing of the outdoor world, being in a calm peaceful spot to try and re-group myself, putting the pieces back into place where they belong. While I had fun, I also had waves of insecurity and depression. I turned into “that girl”, that girl that I hate. I had built up this weekend in my head to be the one good thing that would turn my luck around, that The Man could save me from myself, but the truth is, the only one that can change my attitude… is me.
I do not like the fact that I projected my low points on The Man. I am a strong and confident women and it isn’t fair to do that to him and our relationship. Yes, a relationship isn’t always filled with laughter and fun; it is the hard times that push more growth, but why burden others because you cannot be a complete self? As long as I stay aware of my mental state then I should be ok. If I have to ask for help I will, but otherwise I will fight to stand on my own and for my happiness.
Tonight is July 4th and I am home alone and I couldn’t be better. I didn’t get to eat hot dogs or hang with my family or friends but I did get my fill of little ones and sunshine. I was given a gift of seeing a part of my state through someone else’s eyes. I need and want this time alone. As the sun sets into the darkness, it has begun to rain. I kind of take that as a sign… the sign of self cleansing. There is nothing better than sitting outside at night, drinking a glass of wine and listing to the rain; to wash away the over analyzing thoughts in your head bringing a sense of peace within ones self.
With that, I leave you with a brief sound clip of tonight and hope you can re-group and have your own moment of clarity or cleansing
A Boy’s Search in Understanding Women
I stumbled upon this video and couldn’t help but share it.
What better way to describe the frustration in attempt to understanding the difference between males and females.
Women Can Plan Dates Too, Right?
Apparently not this one… maybe I just over think it too much or are am too anal-retentive to do it? You see, recently I wanted to be the one to plan the next date (ok ok, actually it happened today. I was trying to plan for next week) however, after 4 hours of researching and trying to plan I have ended up empty handed and gave up.
I know it sounds lame… how can I not come up with a date idea? Well I can, I just seemed to have picked the wrong weekend to do it! I have been craving a nice night out on the town; you know the one that you put a real effort into your outfit, hair and makeup. Possibly even buy a new dress that makes you feel confident and sexy. I think this feeling stems from me feeling very frumpy lately. I wear frumpy, boring cotton clothes to work and then anytime I have been out and about, it has been t-shirt and jeans with sneakers. Now don’t get me wrong, I love wearing comfy casual clothing but every once and a while you need a change. I feel like Denver has something against me this week and that all my ideas only seem to fit into the month of July.
So my recent date ideas were:
- Going to a fun charity event
- Dinner at Fruition, then maybe dessert in a park and a swing set
- Dinner on the Bistro Vendome patio
Then I started thinking about summer outdoor events
- Going to an outdoor movie in the park
- An outdoor festival; whether food or music
- Activities like hiking, swimming or golf
- Botanic gardens, zoo, museums, or art galleries
The only charity event worth going to is Janet’s Campat the Shanahan’s home, but I really don’t want to spend all that money. I like charity events where the ticket price isn’t so high so I can actually bid on the auction items or be able to donate. Not just pay for the cost of the event. That’s why I am looking forward to Taste the Nation on July 18th. I couldn’t get a reservation at Fruition (5pm or 9pm) and didn’t really find another place that I knew both of us would like. Of course I found a great place for brunch though (and I am sure I won’t remember it next time I want to go to brunch). There is a park movie playing next weekend but I REFUSE to see New Moon (Twilight lovers, no need to attack). Would love to take him to the Jazz Aspen Snowmass 20th Anniversary Show, however, I have family plans during the day on Saturday, so a 3.5hr drive is out of the question. Which is another reason we couldn’t do any of the other day time outdoor activities like even City Park Jazz on Sunday. I am booked on Saturday day and he likes to have Sunday to work on his backyard as he is the in the middle of completely re-doing the landscape.
After all this searching I realized all I really wanted was to have a good time with The Man and that anytime I have had a good date it was because it was unplanned! Just between the two of us, it was the going to an outdoor community event, then grabbing food and drinks somewhere. It was the conversations and the people around us that made it fun. I have really enjoyed the low key evenings of a local Rockies game then off bar hopping around town. It was never because we had concrete plans for the entire evening. I wouldn’t consider myself a spontaneous person, but that doesn’t mean that I have to stick to my plans or the whole entire evening goes to crap. I wanted to plan a date that would have been fun for The Man and for me and he didn’t have to think or do anything. I think with most dates, you do something that reveals a little of what you like doing along with what they like. I don’t know how guys do it time and time again? Maybe it is just me, but there is a lot of pressure! I think I have planned only a few dates, but mainly because of the fear of it failing horribly. Heck, I even did that just the other week with Luisa, tried to plan a fun night out for her, but spent more time stressing about where we would have fun instead of actually doing it. After giving up on plans, we just started going places and ended up having fun driving all around town and stopping at different bars.
I dislike when the anal-retentive perfectionist planner inside gets the best of me. That’s why today after feeling overwhelmed and trying to make everything perfect, I have thrown my hands in the air and gave up. At that point I would rather just stay home, cook a meal, hang out in comfy lounge pants and maybe watch a movie just enjoying the company.
So I guess what I would like to say is, thank you to all the men out there that come up with fantastic ideas on your road to wooing a woman! (And same goes for those women that have that ability to do the same.) Thank you for putting up with neurotic women like myself that want to have the best night but are so caught up in their own head to be able to spit anything out. It makes it so much easier, that we can calm down knowing that you usually have something up your sleeve or have the ability to play it by ear. It is wonderful to be able relax and just spend the time getting to know more about one another, usually laughing along the way. I appreciate you and all the effort that you put into dates! Now I am curious as to what we are going to do next week… after all this, it could be the “nothing” we have planned, which could turn into the best date yet …. *smiles
*Authors note: I wanted to make sure that you know my perfectionist qualities are not related to my most recent post, but is something that has been a part of my life since I was a little girl. Just ask my mother, I cried when I got my first B on a paper and swore they were going to hold me back a grade. I try and use the term “Pobody’s Nerfect” and is something I work on all the time. I know that I am not nor can I ever be perfect and sometimes it takes me a few tries to let go and accept it.
A different one…
So I have been dating this man for almost two months now….there I said it, out loud. I have been keeping quiet about it for awhile now but I figure if I have been dating him for this long, I might as well tell you about it him. For now, we will refer to him as The Man. And boy is he a different one than I have EVER dated!
First, he is an Aries, which is the exact opposite of a Libra. This has made the relationship very exciting and frustrating at the same time. “Aries Man - Romance with him will be like a roller coaster ride, where you don’t get even a single moment to think and brood… Consistency is something that does not gel well with his characteristics profile. The love of an Aries male will warm you with passion one minute and the very next minute, you may feel as if you are sitting in the North Pole.” I couldn’t think of a better way to describe my experience!
From the first time we went out it has been this way and with each and every time proving to be the same. I don’t think I have ever met a man that is the exact opposite of me yet the ability to connect on many different subjects and levels. What attracted me first was his mind… I have always been a sap for an intellectual, I am an informational sponge and any man that could feed that need along with having a wonderful conversation is just icing on the cake. I also can’t remember laughing as much as I do with him. Whether we are jokingly harassing each other or telling a story, my belly has definitely had gotten its workout! A frustrating difference between us is that I am an affectionate person. One of those touchy-feely people, that gives hugs and kisses to friends and family whenever I greet or leave them. I don’t hold back and I express my feelings whenever I feel them. He however, is not, especially in public. I will admit that he is much more affectionate within the protection of his home, usually after being together for some time but it is still something I am learning to adapt to. Another difference in our approach to dating is spending only one day a week together. I am ALL for independence, believe me, that was one of the reasons I didn’t want to start dating again was I didn’t have time and my priority in life right now is school. I like having me time and not having a man that wants to make me his world. But after dating a man for 3 months, I would hope to spend a little more time with him. I am not asking for days on end but maybe a phone call every once and a while. Sigh…
The truth is… I like him. Besides my relationship with my BFF Tim, this is the first guy that I started seeing since my engagement and after going through therapy. I enjoy the time that I do spend with him, the adventurous ride that I am being taken on and I am curious to see where it goes. I think we both have something that we can teach each other because of our ability to bring something different to the table. I can’t tell right now if it is a healthy relationship yet, but I will continue on and let it follow its course. He is definitely someone different in my life and couldn’t have thought of a better person to explore my new found road of life with. If this relationship continues on the slow and steady course that it has been, maybe you will hear more about this new Man. Only time can tell…*Smiles*
Bar Dynamics
I once observed a man walk into a bar and have dinner with one woman, only to end up leaving with another. I couldn’t believe it and it still stuns me to think about it. Now now now, before you jump to conclusions, it’s not like he randomly found these women at the bar. He knew both of them, but not very well.
He sat down and had dinner with the first women and at some point she left due to “being tired” and another woman walked in and after a few drinks, the two of them left. Add into the whole mess the other girl left her scarf and salad behind. He tried to pretend that the scarf was his and girl #2 kept wondering why he would have a scarf as fluffy and feminine like he did. By the time he left they were both drunk enough not to question it, so much because she did a test smell it at some point but that didn’t affect anyone’s decision.
It cracks me up that a man can do this in the course of 2 hours and not think anything of it. That they can simply jump from one woman to the next and it not phase them. It amazes me, I guess, because I am so jealous of that ability. That women always need to connect on a different level, usually an emotional one, at some point but men can connect on any level that allows them to think with another part of their body. Maybe it is because they stop thinking with the top part of their body, a.k.a. the brain, and then think with the lower half where all the blood has rushed to, therefore making it physically impossible to make the right decision.
I know I have joked in the past that women can sometimes do this, but the truth is that they struggle. They can disconnect but then it isn’t the same. Oh if only, we as females could have to such possibilities. Maybe someday we would have that option but I don’t think that will ever happen. It is hard to be jealous, I mean when you think about it, what is there to be jealous of? I think that having the ability to use women over and over isn’t anything to be proud of. In fact it only proves the fact that men are more brain dead than we thought. You can see them at 1am franticly texting women trying to find one that would come over to please them and unfortunately some women do, thinking they were the only ones that were beckoned. Suckers… that is the only way you can think about it. I know it is the harsh truth, but unfortunately, it is the only truth.
Men and women will always have a different point of view and there is nothing that we can do to change it. We as women think that we can be more aggressive and do things outside of our gut reactions but when it comes down to it, we can’t. We are softies at heart. And those who have ventured outside of the women realm, they have learned that they are usually disappointed and let down. They thought they could do it but they can’t handle it. And men, they will never change. It isn’t until they find someone in their life that they decide to break the mold and do something different. It takes a “special” women…so dorky to say but very true. When have you ever found a man willing to change unless it was for the “right” woman or better said, right woman for him? Those special women though you might be envious of them, they are nothing to get green about. They are just another woman who happened to find themselves in the life of a man at the right time. Seriously, think about it. It isn’t the wonderful woman that they are, it is about the man who had decided to be the wonderful man that he really is deep down inside. He has chosen to make that change and he doesn’t give a darn about the woman.
Authors side note: I want to make note that I don’t mean ALL men! I refer to men that are associated with the male mentioned up above. This will also be one of many posted related to my observations within a bar and the male female courtship.