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pancake fun!
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If only...
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Between Merida and Cancun, Mexico
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Salmon BLT Sliders with Chipotle Mayo by howsweeteats #Salmon #Bacon #Chipotle #Sliders #howsweeteats
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Lamb Sliders with Tzatziki by fotocuisine #Lamb #Sliders #fotocuisine
A Real Man …
This was sent to me in an email and has been passed around the internet but I got such a giggle from it, I wanted to share.
A real man is a woman’s best friend.
He will never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.
No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine.
Never mind.
Do you even know how you like your eggs?
Do you remember Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride and how she didn’t even know how she took her eggs because she always “liked” the same style of eggs as her mate? Why is it that many women go through a relationship trying to be the perfect girlfriend instead of just being themselves? We are constantly reading articles on what a man wants, what he think looks hot, and what these 100 men think of… Why? Why must we try to wrap out brains around what a man wants, why can’t we, geez I don’t know, ASK HIM?!!! Ugh! Instead, some of us walk around, gradually altering ourselves to becoming the person we think they want us to be so as not to be rejected. These changes can be something small like participating in an activity you hate doing or something extreme like agreeing with him about not wanting kids thinking you can change him later. I am sure that we have all fallen into this bad habit at some point but to what degree? I can’t deny that I was never this girl, slowly losing myself when transitioning from a “me” to a “we”. It can happen very slowly and easily and before you even know it, you have no idea who you are and what you really want.
I have been better over the last 4 years, defining myself as an individual in the relationship. Knowing full well that you have to hold onto who you are and what you believe in. If you start to conform to what you believe is what the partner wants, you will end up losing your partner. They liked you for who you are and if you lose that, what makes them want to stay with you?
The reason I bring up this up is I found myself doing that again with The Man. The Man and I have been hanging out almost every weekend since our breakup. Usually involving an event, whether a sporting event or a festival, then followed by food, drinks and tons of talking. It wasn’t until we got to talking about our relationship as friends that we realized both of our faults and the mistakes that we had made while together. I had discovered that I was trying to conform to what I thought he wanted. I remember the feeling of walking on eggshells at times, but couldn’t think of the reason why, until now; that I was never really being my honest true self.
The past month of being just friends was fantastic and I really enjoyed our time together! The main reason being so clear now; I could finally be myself. For the first time I could feel comfortable in my own skin because I figured that if he didn’t like me for who I really was, then he wouldn’t want to hang with me. (Authors note: I want to make it clear that this was a pressure that I put upon myself, not him telling me to act a certain way.)
Welcome to my newest story that started two weeks ago… Throughout the past month while we were friends, I think we were able to feel more comfortable with each other when there was no expectation or pressure to be something other than who we really are. We were just ourselves enjoying each others company being completely honest with one another. Throwing all the cards onto the table, sorting through them only to realize that despite the hand we were dealt, you still get the entire deck in the end.
I have never been one to go back to a relationship. I was a firm believer in when you break up with a person you don’t go back. You broke up with them for a reason otherwise you can find yourself in a horrible dependent relationship, breaking up and getting back together multiple times. But it took some kind words from friends for me to realize that it doesn’t always have to be that way. That sometimes adults make mistakes, that there is no mold that all relationships must fit into and that in the end, all that matters is that the two in the relationship are happy.
So yes, the Man and I are giving it another go but I am hesitant to say that we are “back” together. The word back implies that you are returning to the same place you left off. It is different this time, almost like a completely different relationship plus, you take into effect that we never really had a “break”, so I think the best way to describe it would be our relationship has taken a change in a better direction. Who knows what may happen or what will develop but I can make these promises to myself. I will make sure to watch and be aware of flags, whether they pop up as red, yellow or green. To always be honest, with him and myself, to make sure the lines of communication are open and flowing between us. Keep myself grounded enough to remember that I am not the only one in this relationship, that it will take two of us to make this work and if in the end, we both tried our hardest, than that is all that matters. I am ready to jump in and swim with my new clearer swim goggles, knowing that I cannot predict where point B ends but maybe it’s the journey of getting there, at a nice healthy pace, that counts.
Somewhere Between My Head & My Heart
Oh the joys of sitting inside my head….Have you ever found that being by yourself having time to sit inside your head can only lead to trouble?
I did such a great job over the weekend being positive and really understanding why everything happened but it wasn’t until yesterday when I spent most of the day alone inside that I had a lot of time to sit inside my head, making matters worse. I of course have to think of all the things that I did wrong in my relationship, especially being the person I am. It is a love/hate relationship with myself. I love that I am able to psycho analyze myself but sometimes I tend to over think things (just ask Tim, we’ve had MANY conversations of my thinking going way too far that I seem to get lost) and would explain this very lengthy post!
When I had finally kicked myself out into the real world (needed a few things from the store) I was walking through the store chatting on the phone with my mother and she asked me, “Why do you always date unavailable or unobtainable men?” Wow….it was something that I never really thought of, especially with all the information that I have learned about myself throughout the years, before and after therapy. But it was true! Let’s go through the list of serious relationships.
First & third – Richard/Coulter – Unavailable by location – when we first dated, he had just turned 21 and I was 17, I couldn’t go out to all the places that he was. The second time around, he REALLY was unavailable because he was either in another state or country!
Second – Jeremy – Unavailable by religion – he was Jewish and I was not. Plain and simple, cut and dry. Let’s put it this way, even though we dated for almost 3yrs, I never met his mother.
Fourth – Tim – Unavailable by age – this one I knew and kind of planned after therapy. He was recently divorced and we were both looking for someone to learn how relationships work in a healthy way. We both knew that there was no future except in friendship, which still exists.
And Last – The Man – Unavailable by emotion – This one I knew from the moment we started dating but chose to ignore due to him having EVERYTHING else I was looking for in a man. I just figured he would warm up over time.
So of course I have to ask myself the age old question of “Why?” I think that maybe I was still “testing the waters” and trying to figure out what I am looking for in a spouse. I’ve gone through a range of men, from one end of the spectrum to the other and now know what I want and need for a partner. Now it’s just a matter of finding him.
Why the rush? I have recently been thinking about this question as well. Why am I putting such pressure on myself to get married and have a child? I think it comes from a few things as I approach my 28th birthday. The day after my recent breakup I watched the movie The Back-up Plan, starring Jennifer Lopez and Alex O’Loughlin with the synopsis being “After years of dating, Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) has decided waiting for the right one is taking too long. Determined to become a mother, she commits to a plan, makes an appointment and decides to go it alone. That same day, Zoe meets Stan (Alex O’Loughlin) a man with real possibilities.”
One of the reason’s I saw this movie was a couple years ago (after my engagement) I said that by the age of 30 I was going to have a baby with or without a man. This was a great plan for me, except for the few main problems. 1 – it is VERY selfish, 2 – I am not THAT old and 3 – I have decided to go back to school so now I wouldn’t have time for school, work and a child. I always wanted to be a young mother. My mother gave birth to me at the age of 28. She always thought of herself as an older mother, so what will that make me?
I know that 28 is still very young and that women are now getting their careers in place before getting a family. But what about me? My career won’t be up and going till my mid to late thirties. I guess I am antsy. I know what I want, how to get it and what to do with it once I get it. I would hate to have all the knowledge but never get to put it into action! I have joked that I will end up an old maid with 17 cats but the truth is, it is an actual fear.
In the mean time between now and then, I need to get back to directing my energy toward other things. It is time to start volunteering and dedicating my time to other activities and stop focusing on my lack of relationships. If you remember, I used to have a “life list” (also known as a bucket list) on my website. Well I still keep that going and since moving back to Colorado, I have added many of things that I want to do in my beautiful state. Oh, and don’t worry. You will still get your fun relationship posts as my BFF Tim has recently decided to enter the dating world, so I will have plenty of fun posts along with more bar observations!
See, spend enough time inside your head and soon enough you’ll figure it all out…at least for the time being. *smiles*
Dating, Seeing or Sleeping?
Almost every time that I talk with one of male friends, one of the first questions that I ask him is “Dating, seeing or sleeping with anyone new?” The truth is, for a single person in my age group, you are usually doing one of the three things or none of the above. As scary as it might seem to hear this to those that are older and married, this is reality. If you are not a virgin or in a committed relationship, you find yourself hopping from bed to bed, in the hopes of finding a partner that interests you in some way (depending on what exactly you would like stimulated). Your friends that are in a relationship don’t understand why you don’t just settle down with someone and your single friends that are choosing not to bounce from bed to bed, don’t understand what the purpose is. Is this really the only “in-between” option for us? What if you don’t have time for a relationship but don’t want to have casual sex?… I believe they would call that a friendship
Definitions (per me)
Sleeping – exactly what it sounds like. It is a purely sexual relationship and nothing more. Also know as a “friend with benefits”
Seeing – you have meet with this person a few times, and haven’t decided what direction it is going to go from here. It can turn into a sleeping or dating relationship from this point. You might have had a make-out session or two, but the relationship is just only starting to bud
Dating – you enjoy this persons company along with finding them sexually attractive. You have been seeing them for a while now and probably because you respect this person, you have chosen not to “seal the deal” just yet because you are curious to see where it goes and have found your once empty time is now filled with this person.
Now that we have established that, is it possible to go from a lust relationship to a real relationship filled with love and respect? Let’s say you have known a person for a while and started a physical relationship, is it possible to move into a rounded healthy relationship? If you built the relationship on something other than sex in itself like friendship, then yes, it has potential. But if what you have built it on is purely sexual attraction then the possibilities are slim. I am not saying the relationship isn’t capable of growing, but let’s just be honest. It doesn’t have the best track record.
In the end, it doesn’t matter what type of relationship that you are in, as long as YOU are happy. If you have taken a step back and noticed that you are not, then it is time to look inside yourself. It may sound cheesy, but how can you love someone else, if you can’t love yourself? I bet you, that if you start focusing on yourself things will just happen. Whether you are doing things that you enjoy and redirecting your energy internally or as basic as working on that project at work, it will all change the situation. That is why they usually say that love happens when you least expect it.
So whatever your current relationship position, I wish you the best!
Authors note: If you feel you need help or guidance, don’t be afraid to contact me. I will also start a forum on this topic so don’t be afraid to post, it can be completely anonymous.
The Wonderful World of Dating
I made the decision back about a month ago to start dating. To be honest I really don’t look forward to this part of my journey. I know that the process to start dating always comes off as being a tedious task. You have weed out the bad before you can get to the good. It’s getting through those that will make it worth it in the end.
I once vowed that I would have a child by age 30 with or without a man in my life. The one thing that I want most is to become a mother. However school has thrown a wrench in that cogwheel of life and now I have been given the opportunity to get an education. I have also accepted the fact that maybe I will never become a mother but “Aunt Kristen” to every one of my friend’s children (for multiple reasons).
I know I am ready for the challenge. I have gone through enough cognitive therapy to learn what I looking for in life, the person I am looking for in terms of a life time partner. I am no longer looking for a father figure to my children. I am looking for someone that can be my equal in life. A man with a masculine side that also has heart and the ability to communicate. I have dated so many men with feminine qualities that usually I am the one to wear the pants in the relationship. I am ready to play a more “female” role with someone that can deal with my independence and not feel threatened by lack of needing to be dependent upon them. That male exists somewhere out in the world (as I am sure I am not the only one) but it will be a long search in order to get there.
So far the results have not been very good. I have been set up on dates with various men, some of which I have not found attractive due to lack of the ability to have an intelligent conversation along with such extreme cases as them not knowing they were attracted to the same sex or being in an open marriage.
This will probably be one of the most amusing things for you to read within my life in the next few years (besides school). I invite you to take the journey with me, through the trials and tribulations of being a single woman, one the road to achieving both self satisfaction and family, whether by school or dating.