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pancake fun!
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If only...
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Between Merida and Cancun, Mexico
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Salmon BLT Sliders with Chipotle Mayo by howsweeteats #Salmon #Bacon #Chipotle #Sliders #howsweeteats
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Lamb Sliders with Tzatziki by fotocuisine #Lamb #Sliders #fotocuisine
Relationship Leftovers
Here it is, another weekend and I have found myself with an interesting reoccurring weekend routine since I left my job at the bar; two new habits that I didn’t have a year ago. You see, I have picked them up from my ex and didn’t realize it until today. Isn’t it amazing where you gain habits?
Habit: noun a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity; an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary
This year I have lost two good men in my life, my ex and my best guy friend, and lately I have been thinking about them and wondering how their life is going. I lost my best guy friend to his new girlfriend and found out our friendship was not as strong as I thought it was. While I don’t know the specifics, I believe the separation was due to girlfriend insecurities but as long as he is happy, that’s what matters.
My ex on the other hand, was afraid of commitment and was still discovering himself which I can completely identify with as I went through it after calling off my engagement 3 years ago. When he did participate in the relationship, it was a beautiful friendship with learning and growing between both parties. One of the things that I learned to love was baseball. I always loved the game but I preferred playing it to watching it. My ex had season tickets to the Rockies and while I went to only a handful of games over the past two seasons, I now find my remote stopping on Root Sports or driving off to the sports bar to catch the end of the game. Not to mention if I am not able to watch, I make sure to check my Android app for game highlights or the current score. Who would have thought?
My other habit that I have continued since the break up is coffee cream and HGTV. When I spent the night (gasp! I know, but that’s what adults in monogamous relationships do) we would wake up, make coffee and watch do it yourself shows like Yard Crashers and House Crashers. Always a lukewarm black coffee drinker, he had fun flavored coffee creamers (my favorite being Cinnamon Vanilla Crème) and now find myself pouring it in every cup of Joe at work and at home. The only place I still drink black coffee is when I go out to breakfast. As for HGTV, it wouldn’t feel like Saturday morning without it. They are my constant reminder of him and how he is not around.
I debated texting either one of them today just to check in; to see how Tim’s relationship with Kate is going or see if Michael ever got consent to have the surgery on his hand. But since I was the one that was rejected… it seems almost silly to reach out. Being friends with an ex has always been a controversial topic, most people taking one side or the other or saying it depended on the circumstances. Here are articles on the subject from The Frisky and Ask Men.
With my birthday next month I am curious to see if I get the standard birthday text, with the additional possibility of being able to start those friendships back up again. There is a place in my heart that misses them and I wonder if they ever think about me too.
Front and Back of a shirt from T-ShirtHell.com
Relationship Poll
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Q&A with KK ~ 11-07-10
Hi everyone, I would like to introduce you to a new addition to my blog. Q&A with KK!
Thanks to the help of VIP in the 303, I will now be answering submitted questions on relationships, sex and dating! All Q&A will be posted under the category “Q&A with KK”. As a reminder, please see the “future possibilities” tab for more details.
Question:
Is it cheating if your man talks to two girls on the internet? Because my man doesn’t think that it is cheating. Also, how many times a week or month is it normal to have sex. I feel like my man is losing interest!
Answer:
Well, these are two very broad questions, which means I am only able to answer them in a broad manner. As for talking on the internet with member of the opposite sex, this is not cheating unless their typing has turned from innocent conversation to naughty flirting. I have many friends of the opposite sex however I would never do anything with them that my partner might find threatening. I always openly communicate with my partner so there is no fear of me hiding anything to ever bring on the thought of me cheating. As for a sex quota, even with all the studies and surveys out there, there is no normality when it comes to sex. This is different for every person and every couple, depending on personal preferences, relationships status and time availability.
Now before you go wasting your energy trying 25 of “The 101 ways to turn him on”; What I can tell you is, you don’t sound happy or fulfilled in your current relationship and it’s time for you to sit down and talk with your partner and address some of these issues that are bothering you. Now, this doesn’t mean attacking him out of the blue, already angry and hyped up on adrenaline. You need to find a time to talk in a calm manner, let him know how you are feeling. Making sure to use all “I” statements, never accusatory “You” statements. Examples – “it hurts ME when…” or “I feel like…” instead of “YOU are cheating…” or “YOU never have sex with me …” Make sense? And if it still isn’t working, try couples counseling (plenty in the Denver metro area) or take a look inside yourself and ask if you are benefiting from the relationship?
No matter what the outcome, I wish you the best of luck! And if you have any additional questions or want suggestions on where to find a therapist or counselor, don’t hesitate to contact me at Kristen@KristenKady.com
*please note that the question was edited to remove slang
When Words Are Not Enough
It amazes me how much music plays a role in our everyday lives. Whether it is a song we sing to ourselves in the shower or a random song on the radio as we are driving into work, music has the ability to touch our souls. Whether it is the written lyrics or the beat and rhythm, it has the power to take us back in time to a moment in our childhood or connect two people together for the rest of their lives.
While my life has constantly filled with music due to dance, I have never been one to own lots of it. I have always said, “I don’t know names of bands or names of songs, but I know all words”, and any song that has been on the radio, I have managed somehow to retain the words. It actually wasn’t until I met Jeremy, that he started to quiz me on those two things that I was missing, I finally learned song names and who song the song, but after him, those facts fell by the wayside. I mean, gosh, just last month I downloaded iTunes for the first time in my life. I think may have owned about 10 CD’s in my entire life and I might have owned more eight-track tapes than CD’s (and if you don’t know what an eight-track tape is, go ask your parents).
Anyway, on to the point that I was getting to. I was thinking about my love life lately and all I can do is relate it to songs… from what I want out of life right now, until the future with my husband. So instead of writing, I thought I would let you inside my head.
The feeling I want more than most right now is the surge of falling in love, not to be confused with lust. It has been years since I have felt that feeling. In fact I think it has been about 9 years. The rush, the world around you fading into the distance when the person you love walks into a room, the butterflies in your belly, the permanent grin, the…well… I will just let the song speak for itself.
(it wasn’t a popular song, so there is no official video but just listen to the lyrics)
Now, this song is a much newer one but it still describes the way I want a long term relationship to feel after some time. Now while the video is slightly lustful and some of the lyrics are slightly cheesy, it is the feeling of keeping a relationship young and fresh while being in love, and not letting it get stale and burnt out.
The last song I have to share, is “Meet in the Middle” by Diamond Rio. This song has been the way that I have always felt about marriage. A constant compromise and knowing that as long as the communication and ability to think about the other person’s feelings instead of your own, you can make it work and make the marriage last.
(please pardon the mullets and just listen to the words. It just shows how old the song is, but it is MY favorite country song of all time)
With all this being “said”, I know someday I will find the person in my life to make me feel this way. It may take some time and won’t happen instantly but I do know it is possible. Until that time comes, I will stick with my current (male & female) friendships that make me happy. I will celebrate others relationship moments, like getting girly gushy over a Labor Day weekend proposal after seeing the ring (which I can’t wait to hear about at work tomorrow!) and playing the 5th wheel to other couples that don’t mind me tagging along and letting me have a glimpse into their lives. Until I have my own mushy feelings, if you have any “love” moments that you would like to share with me, I would love to hear them!
Single… and Looking For a Friend
So you are probably wondering. Is this a duplicate post? Nope… just realized that The Man and I work better as friends then as a couple. Don’t worry, I’m not upset. Within the same week I also found out my ex fiancé got married. I knew both were coming. Actually, it was funny that after I learned about my ex, I also forgot about it in less than an hour, until someone called to ask me how I was doing with the news. I am happy that he found someone as he is a great guy that deserves it. Same goes for The Man. Our relationship had been drifting apart for a couple weeks so I was planning on having “the talk” anyway. Turns out so was he. It was comical, we got together last night and after pouring me a margarita, he says the words “so, we gotta talk” and the first thing that I do is laugh, get a big grin on my face and say, “Sure, go ahead”. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling since he was thinking the same thing that I was! He just is always the first one to get to the point!
When we tried our relationship again, it was absolute bliss for a few weeks, than we fell back into the same routine. We both were adjusting, not changing, but more like compromising ourselves to accommodate each other. And at some point you want to stop because it gets so tiring, you start to feel like you are going crazy and want nothing more than to feel like yourself! There was nothing bad about our relationship; it just was kind of there, floating along…more like a friendship. So we tried and it didn’t work.
I am thankful he came into my life and is still there. He got me interested in things like sports, country music and reading again. He also was able to open my eyes to view the world in a different way. I enjoyed that I was able to teach him things like expanding his pallet even though I don’t think he found eating as pleasurable as I do!
Since he is still my friend, it’s not like I won’t ever see him again. What I will miss (as selfish as it sounds) is the permanent date. Might have been one of the reasons we didn’t break up sooner. Knowing that I had a something to do with someone every Saturday will be missed. I hate the fact that I don’t have a guaranteed companion to explore and experience new things while still being able to enjoy the company. If I could, I would place an ad for a best friend and it would read something like this: SWF looking for female to be platonic friends. Must like company & enjoy fun activities besides getting buzzed at a bar. Willing to accompany me on vacations & dinner outings. Pleasurable conversation a must! I will let you know how that goes but I think I am better off waiting for the friend store to open so I can buy one!
Now I have to go off on my own again, being a single girl. Why is that such a scary thing? Why is being alone so bad? IT ISN’T but it is always nice to have someone to be with. Maybe I might sign up for SINGLES IN THE 303…maybe… but for right now, I think I will go back to being myself. This means going out to dinner alone, volunteering, getting back to ballet & tap classes and spending time with all of my coupled girlfriends when they have the time. Plus school starts up in a couple weeks so my hours not spent at work will be filled with hours of completing homework and studying. Perhaps I could put together a core group of girlfriends, something that I never have had as they always seem to be males, and go from there. I am also due for a vacation as I believe my last official one was my engagement trip. I have been itch’n to go somewhere, it just doesn’t help that all the deals seem to be for Vegas, a place I have never been however, always a place to go with your closest friends…never by yourself. Maybe I will hit up a beach in Florida or California on my own first then save Las Vegas for my birthday in October. In the mean time, I am going to finish unpacking my box of toiletries and such that once lived under The Man’s sink and get on with the rest of my day… and life.
PDA Cartoons
Bet you can’t guess what I am working on?! *smiles
I am a little occupied this week as The Man is out of town, so I am spending my free time with family (a girls sleep over with my niece and sister) but to tide you over to next week, I thought I would share some fun cartoons that I found. I have a post about PDA coming…
When should we, ya know, do it?
Really? We have to ask this question? Come on ladies, it is 2010! Get with the program…geesh…
So I was sitting at the bar at Purple Martini with a friend, and happen to over hear some girls talking about how trashy a girl is for sleeping with a man on the first date but the third date is ok (because it is part of the “rules”). My first reaction is…. who the heck cares?! As long as you are happy, why should you feel the need to follow the rules or suggestions laid out by some stranger? Everyone is different and just because you (and your relationship) didn’t follow the “normal” path, doesn’t mean that you are doomed for life.
I think when it comes down to it all you need to understand is the consequences about having sex; whether you choose to have it on the first date or third year into the relationship after marriage! We all know that having sex later in the relationship is better. You have had more of a chance to create a bond with trust and honesty in the relationship between the two people. So, when did the “third date” rule come into play? Seriously! Third date! I don’t think I knew anyone that well after three times of getting together. Heck, I’ve been out on three dates and still never kissed the guy. I don’t know about you, but I can date a person for years and still continue to learn things about them.
Another factor is age and where you are in life. If you are under the age of 18 and haven’t graduated high school yet, you are less likely to hop into the sack like a 40 year old divorcee might.
Before I start, I understand there is every “exception” to the rule. That yes, sometimes things work out differently, but for the most part
The Scene: If you are bedroom bound after the first night or few interactions (4-5 dates), don’t expect to get much further than that. Why would anyone need to continually take you out to talk and “get to know you” because by doing the mattress mambo so soon, you have just said to your partner that you don’t care to get to know them. No respect for either one of you, that it is just lust at first sight and “get’n some”
Consequences to Expect: Nothing really pretty. STD/STI, lack of orgasm, no steady contact with the possibility of no future contact, no emotional involvement and the list can continue on and on, but do I really need to continue? Most of it is because there has been no conversation between the two people, explaining what each other likes, if they are sleeping with anyone else… you get the gist. It isn’t really warm and inviting, but sometimes those things sound good to people, right? Maybe it might be what you need at the time.
The Scene: Within the first 3 months, you’ve gone out on hopefully 12+ dates and have started to feel comfortable around each other. You have learned what you like in the person and that even though seeing some faults, you can look past those to get to know that person even better. You might have met a friend or two of theirs along the way but for the most part you are still living individual lives.
Consequences: still has similar consequences to the first one but it is possible to start having the pro’s and con’s weighing about the same. You may have communicated with each other about having safe sex and started mentioning the things that you like in bed. You might have also started to have satisfying sex due to the communication and bond that has formed between you and your partner, thus resulting in fun sex, orgasms or more than one night a week in the hay.
I kind of feel there is no point to continue after that as I have found that most people either break up after that mark or if they continue on in their relationship, they are working on it constantly meaning communication between each other. Whether you decide to give it up to the first guy or wait for a lifetime, make sure you do what is right for you. Not anyone else. It doesn’t matter what the rules are or what your friends do, trust your gut and your heart. Listen to what you really believe in and go with it! Just make sure to be safe along the way! (No, seriously, condoms are cheap, use one!)
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I leave you with this. I found this on a random website and kind of liked it. In response to “how long should I wait”
“For as long as it takes. We’re not asking you to abstain until you’re 65-1/2, but an acquaintance is not a friend. If you hardly know each other and don’t have the scorecards on each other’s quirks, then skip the bedroom for now and go out and play out in the field. The saying about giving up your virginity to the one you love is outdated advice and is sure to provoke “are you crazy?” comments, but don’t go the other extreme either by giving your virginity to someone you just met a few hours ago. Don’t be cheap with yourself! You’re worth a lot more than a couple of beers and a drizzle of flattering remarks. When a guy overdoses on compliments and says the right things to bait you, play smart and don’t bite. Get to know him, warts and all…before tearing down the barriers.
Whether you’re a teenager or a young adult, play the waiting game. Patience has its virtues…and its rewards. You can date all you want – it’s a real smorgasbord out there, but you can’t have sex with each one you date.”
Do you even know how you like your eggs?
Do you remember Julia Roberts character in Runaway Bride and how she didn’t even know how she took her eggs because she always “liked” the same style of eggs as her mate? Why is it that many women go through a relationship trying to be the perfect girlfriend instead of just being themselves? We are constantly reading articles on what a man wants, what he think looks hot, and what these 100 men think of… Why? Why must we try to wrap out brains around what a man wants, why can’t we, geez I don’t know, ASK HIM?!!! Ugh! Instead, some of us walk around, gradually altering ourselves to becoming the person we think they want us to be so as not to be rejected. These changes can be something small like participating in an activity you hate doing or something extreme like agreeing with him about not wanting kids thinking you can change him later. I am sure that we have all fallen into this bad habit at some point but to what degree? I can’t deny that I was never this girl, slowly losing myself when transitioning from a “me” to a “we”. It can happen very slowly and easily and before you even know it, you have no idea who you are and what you really want.
I have been better over the last 4 years, defining myself as an individual in the relationship. Knowing full well that you have to hold onto who you are and what you believe in. If you start to conform to what you believe is what the partner wants, you will end up losing your partner. They liked you for who you are and if you lose that, what makes them want to stay with you?
The reason I bring up this up is I found myself doing that again with The Man. The Man and I have been hanging out almost every weekend since our breakup. Usually involving an event, whether a sporting event or a festival, then followed by food, drinks and tons of talking. It wasn’t until we got to talking about our relationship as friends that we realized both of our faults and the mistakes that we had made while together. I had discovered that I was trying to conform to what I thought he wanted. I remember the feeling of walking on eggshells at times, but couldn’t think of the reason why, until now; that I was never really being my honest true self.
The past month of being just friends was fantastic and I really enjoyed our time together! The main reason being so clear now; I could finally be myself. For the first time I could feel comfortable in my own skin because I figured that if he didn’t like me for who I really was, then he wouldn’t want to hang with me. (Authors note: I want to make it clear that this was a pressure that I put upon myself, not him telling me to act a certain way.)
Welcome to my newest story that started two weeks ago… Throughout the past month while we were friends, I think we were able to feel more comfortable with each other when there was no expectation or pressure to be something other than who we really are. We were just ourselves enjoying each others company being completely honest with one another. Throwing all the cards onto the table, sorting through them only to realize that despite the hand we were dealt, you still get the entire deck in the end.
I have never been one to go back to a relationship. I was a firm believer in when you break up with a person you don’t go back. You broke up with them for a reason otherwise you can find yourself in a horrible dependent relationship, breaking up and getting back together multiple times. But it took some kind words from friends for me to realize that it doesn’t always have to be that way. That sometimes adults make mistakes, that there is no mold that all relationships must fit into and that in the end, all that matters is that the two in the relationship are happy.
So yes, the Man and I are giving it another go but I am hesitant to say that we are “back” together. The word back implies that you are returning to the same place you left off. It is different this time, almost like a completely different relationship plus, you take into effect that we never really had a “break”, so I think the best way to describe it would be our relationship has taken a change in a better direction. Who knows what may happen or what will develop but I can make these promises to myself. I will make sure to watch and be aware of flags, whether they pop up as red, yellow or green. To always be honest, with him and myself, to make sure the lines of communication are open and flowing between us. Keep myself grounded enough to remember that I am not the only one in this relationship, that it will take two of us to make this work and if in the end, we both tried our hardest, than that is all that matters. I am ready to jump in and swim with my new clearer swim goggles, knowing that I cannot predict where point B ends but maybe it’s the journey of getting there, at a nice healthy pace, that counts.
Somewhere Between My Head & My Heart
Oh the joys of sitting inside my head….Have you ever found that being by yourself having time to sit inside your head can only lead to trouble?
I did such a great job over the weekend being positive and really understanding why everything happened but it wasn’t until yesterday when I spent most of the day alone inside that I had a lot of time to sit inside my head, making matters worse. I of course have to think of all the things that I did wrong in my relationship, especially being the person I am. It is a love/hate relationship with myself. I love that I am able to psycho analyze myself but sometimes I tend to over think things (just ask Tim, we’ve had MANY conversations of my thinking going way too far that I seem to get lost) and would explain this very lengthy post!
When I had finally kicked myself out into the real world (needed a few things from the store) I was walking through the store chatting on the phone with my mother and she asked me, “Why do you always date unavailable or unobtainable men?” Wow….it was something that I never really thought of, especially with all the information that I have learned about myself throughout the years, before and after therapy. But it was true! Let’s go through the list of serious relationships.
First & third – Richard/Coulter – Unavailable by location – when we first dated, he had just turned 21 and I was 17, I couldn’t go out to all the places that he was. The second time around, he REALLY was unavailable because he was either in another state or country!
Second – Jeremy – Unavailable by religion – he was Jewish and I was not. Plain and simple, cut and dry. Let’s put it this way, even though we dated for almost 3yrs, I never met his mother.
Fourth – Tim – Unavailable by age – this one I knew and kind of planned after therapy. He was recently divorced and we were both looking for someone to learn how relationships work in a healthy way. We both knew that there was no future except in friendship, which still exists.
And Last – The Man – Unavailable by emotion – This one I knew from the moment we started dating but chose to ignore due to him having EVERYTHING else I was looking for in a man. I just figured he would warm up over time.
So of course I have to ask myself the age old question of “Why?” I think that maybe I was still “testing the waters” and trying to figure out what I am looking for in a spouse. I’ve gone through a range of men, from one end of the spectrum to the other and now know what I want and need for a partner. Now it’s just a matter of finding him.
Why the rush? I have recently been thinking about this question as well. Why am I putting such pressure on myself to get married and have a child? I think it comes from a few things as I approach my 28th birthday. The day after my recent breakup I watched the movie The Back-up Plan, starring Jennifer Lopez and Alex O’Loughlin with the synopsis being “After years of dating, Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) has decided waiting for the right one is taking too long. Determined to become a mother, she commits to a plan, makes an appointment and decides to go it alone. That same day, Zoe meets Stan (Alex O’Loughlin) a man with real possibilities.”
One of the reason’s I saw this movie was a couple years ago (after my engagement) I said that by the age of 30 I was going to have a baby with or without a man. This was a great plan for me, except for the few main problems. 1 – it is VERY selfish, 2 – I am not THAT old and 3 – I have decided to go back to school so now I wouldn’t have time for school, work and a child. I always wanted to be a young mother. My mother gave birth to me at the age of 28. She always thought of herself as an older mother, so what will that make me?
I know that 28 is still very young and that women are now getting their careers in place before getting a family. But what about me? My career won’t be up and going till my mid to late thirties. I guess I am antsy. I know what I want, how to get it and what to do with it once I get it. I would hate to have all the knowledge but never get to put it into action! I have joked that I will end up an old maid with 17 cats but the truth is, it is an actual fear.
In the mean time between now and then, I need to get back to directing my energy toward other things. It is time to start volunteering and dedicating my time to other activities and stop focusing on my lack of relationships. If you remember, I used to have a “life list” (also known as a bucket list) on my website. Well I still keep that going and since moving back to Colorado, I have added many of things that I want to do in my beautiful state. Oh, and don’t worry. You will still get your fun relationship posts as my BFF Tim has recently decided to enter the dating world, so I will have plenty of fun posts along with more bar observations!
See, spend enough time inside your head and soon enough you’ll figure it all out…at least for the time being. *smiles*
Facebook Poll
With all the social media out there, our lives are open to the world at the click of a button. Whether it is Twitter or Facebook, personal information is at the tip of our fingers. We hear stories where Facebook status updates have gotten people fired or even divorced. Facebook stalking has been joked at, but what happens when you become jealous of your spouses activity?
What do you think?
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