Do you ever have those moments, where everything starts to fall into place? Where after struggling, your life just magically starts to come into sync? I think we as women, start to wonder, what is going to happen? It is only once we realize that everything is coming together nicely that we wonder, what part of life is going to fall through?

For me, it was the very large aspects in my life. I had recently gotten a new apartment, (I haven’t had my own place in almost 3 years), a new job (which I have been meaning to tell you about, next post, I promise) and a new guy (which has been an interesting ride). I never wanted to mention it for fear of jinxing it, but I knew something was going to fall; I just wasn’t sure what it was. Well, it all came into fruition last night. The Man came over last night and broke up with me. Now now, before you go throwing me a pitty party, please understand that it is probably for the better.

I won’t go into intimate details, because I don’t think that airing our dirty laundry if fair, especially since he doesn’t have the option of his own input. What I can tell you, is this whole situation just plain sucks! We only dated for 4 months, but knew each other for 7. I enjoyed this man’s company and the time we spent together (especially all the laughter between us, even during our break up). I don’t think I have ever respected a man that I dated so much as him, or had a man that respected himself.

————— (Forewarning, this is where my psychological mind kicks in) —————

Sigh… I feel that because of his experiences in past relationships and watching his friend’s unhappy relationships, that he gave up on the relationship before it had a chance to bloom or go anywhere. Whether it was the fear of the future or he really knew that he didn’t want to be with me. I think with relationships, sometimes you can’t sit by the edge and dip your toe in to test the waters, but instead that you have to dive in head first, with your full self; mind, body and soul. I don’t feel he was ready for that, or at least, to do that with me.

But you have to remember, that a relationship is a two way street. If he had already made his decision on how he felt, there is no point in me sitting here trying to defend my case. I respect the fact that he was able to be honest and that he didn’t want to be in a relationship. It saved me the time before getting too emotionally attached and then feeling totally let down. I do wish him the best and hope he finds someone that he does fall in love with, because he is such a great gentleman. Such a gentleman, that he did ask to continue being friends, but unfortunately, I need some time before I can do that. When you connect with a person on an intimate level, it is hard to take the relationship back to friendship. I know that it is possible, because that is how I got Tim as a best friend! Until that time comes, I will miss The Man… but I am glad and thankful that he gave us a chance because it did allow me to learn some things. I am looking forward to the possibility of a future friendship with him as well!

So yes, I had a gut feeling that something was going to change; I just didn’t know what area of my life that was going to be. I have to say, (for selfish reasons of course) I wish it was a different one, because in these days, even finding a job would be easier than finding a man to enjoy spending time with! Ha ha! In the end, I think I already knew and had seen some of the red flags, it was just a matter of paying attention and acknowledging them is the trick. Oh well, at least I prepared myself for what could have been a possibility, which in the end turned out to be the reality. Just more practice for the future.

So… in the mean time, anyone know a guy for me? These ovaries of mine are getting old and need to get a move on it! Ha ha

————————– FOLLOW UP ——————————–

As I have gone though my day today and re-read my post I feel the need to post a follow up. I realized that I really only talked about him. I guess that makes sense since he had made up his mind before hand and left me to deal with the aftermath. But as I said before, relationships are a two way street. So it is time to take a look at myself and what went wrong on my end.

Yes, I know that I wanted something more than he was able to provide. I wanted a relationship filled with love and trust, with the possibility of a future life. He told me he wasn’t ready for that and I, being a stubborn woman didn’t listen! We women tend to think, we are better than the last woman and even though we know we cannot change a person, we still think that it is a possibility.

I thought I could show him love…show him how to receive love and how to love. But you cannot change a person unless they want to. You cannot force a person to love if they are not willing to open their heart and receive it.

In the end, I think we both were trying to take a FRIENDship and squish it into a RELATIONship mold that just wasn’t working. Both of us individually trying to shape it into the way that worked for us, but not doing it together. He tried and I tried, and it just didn’t work, but he was the one that had the courage to speak up first. It’s weird….I didn’t cry… with my hormonal issues, I’ve been known to cry over commercials! Maybe it’s because I already knew… maybe because I felt the same way as him. I really do hope that we can go back to being friends after this; and to be honest, I don’t think there is any reason for us not to be friends. Again, until I am unable to let go of those affectionate feelings for him, I will miss our talks and laughter but look forward to the future friendship.